Finding Love in a Hopeless Place w/ Ryan

Thank you to my friend, Ryan for joining us on the pod!

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Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:01

Alright. Hello all. Welcome to Black Girl in the World. If you don't know me, you will. And if you do, welcome back. I'm a podcaster, and this is the sex. You enjoy listening to We currently have a special, a very, very special guest on this episode. I've known him through a friend of a friend. We have been cool ever since. He is a God-fearing man of many skills and many jobs that I've seen. Um, and it's my friend. How are you?

SPEAKER_07 0:43

Yo, I'm I'm first of all, sorry for making you break during the intro.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

It is perfectly fine.

SPEAKER_07 0:51

I was just excited, you know, just be here, to be one of the black girls in the world.

SPEAKER_01 0:56

Wait.

SPEAKER_07 0:58

You stop recording.

SPEAKER_00 1:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:13

This is this is the audio. 20 minutes.

SPEAKER_03 1:17

The technical.

SPEAKER_07 1:18

I'm trying to be serious.

SPEAKER_03 1:20

We're trying to be serious, you guys. It's not, it's not working out, but but this is as authentic as it's gonna get.

SPEAKER_07 1:27

Do you did you were you in school during the pandemic?

SPEAKER_03 1:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_07 1:32

Like actively taking classes. There was nothing more infuriating than having to do like physical activity over Zoom.

SPEAKER_00 1:40

Yeah. Like, get distracted.

SPEAKER_01 1:49

You would see the professors because they weren't trained on teaching a ton boom, so they're like, hold on, um, can you guys see up here on the on the post right now? Then the camera like hold on the screen.

SPEAKER_07 2:06

The way I'm traumatized. The way I am traumatized of the question, can everyone see my screen?

SPEAKER_03 2:14

Can everyone see? And then somebody's like, no, no, we can't.

SPEAKER_07 2:24

I'm sorry about making you break during the intro. I'm just happy to be here as a black girl in the world. And I wonder, yes. I wonder if they can see the hat.

SPEAKER_03 2:38

It's it's backwards on my end, but we can see it especially more now. You don't see it as much when you're further back, but when you hold it up, yes.

SPEAKER_06 2:51

Literally just a girl.

SPEAKER_03 2:53

Literally just a girl.

SPEAKER_07 2:54

Shout out to my friend Mars who gave me this hat. This is my new favorite hat by far.

SPEAKER_03 3:00

I have like the same like two-tone color, but just not with that. Oh, I need that.

SPEAKER_07 3:07

When I saw it, I was like, yo, this is so me coded.

SPEAKER_00 3:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 3:15

And it's been such a like at least a couple years ago, especially during the pandemic, where I was just trying stuff, and it was such a not a long drawn-out conversation, but I had made almost like a self-discovery where people had noticed that I was really comfortable around other women, or vice versa.

SPEAKER_02 3:38

Right.

SPEAKER_07 3:39

And granted, the questions have since stopped. Granted, I'm an engaged man. But there was a long period of time where people were just kind of curious to know if I was curious, so to speak. You know what I mean? I'm not curious about anything. I just I like this stuff that just so happens to fit you all's aesthetic more than it would fit my aesthetic.

SPEAKER_03 4:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 4:10

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 4:11

I agree. I think sometimes us as women are kind of trapped at what we see men or what we think men should be. And I think also maybe sometimes men do the same thing like women should or men should. And it's like there are so many things that men can be, so many things women can be. Like, it's not just one direction of a man. I don't know how to fully say, you know, but it is a bit complicated.

SPEAKER_07 4:42

Humans are just so different, and cultural influence changes so much. Right.

SPEAKER_03 4:51

Exactly.

SPEAKER_07 4:52

It can be it can get tiring to a point, honestly.

SPEAKER_03 4:57

It is exhausting. Um, it's exhausting because everyone feels like they know what you should be. Like, you as a woman, you must cook, you must clean, you must do like certain things. And then even with men, like, oh, if you're not attracted to a particular thing, then you must be gay. You must be like, whoa.

SPEAKER_07 5:23

I think the thing that put it into perspective for me was a while ago. I brought it up to a friend of mine who is a woman, and she's essentially saying, like, Ryan, it's not that the other folks think you're gay, not that people are going to think whatever they're going to think. I feel like people overtly just eat this if I was in the team. And it's not even a matter of that, but what she was pointing out was it's because they feel safe around me. So it's not that, you know, one of the biggest compliments I used to get was being considered one of the girls. It's like, no, they don't think you're one of the girls because they think you're gay, they consider you one of the girls because they can be one of the girls around you. And you know, so it's like, no, you're welcome into this space.

SPEAKER_03 6:12

Yeah. You're one of the girls.

SPEAKER_07 6:17

I do a lot more than most of the guys.

SPEAKER_03 6:19

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_07 6:21

And well, you know, don't get me wrong, I've had my fair share of moments where unfortunately I was one of the guys. Yeah, you know, there's been a lot of evolution since you first met me. And remind me, that time frame when we did meet. Do you remember like what year that was?

SPEAKER_03 6:40

I think it was I would say it was before COVID, maybe 2019.

SPEAKER_07 6:47

2018. Okay, so I may or may not have had hair still. Relax.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

Look at you.

SPEAKER_04 7:01

Maybe, perhaps.

SPEAKER_07 7:03

Okay, for those that don't know. I used to have locks at a point in my life. Locks. Okay, so clearly you didn't need me.

SPEAKER_01 7:13

Wasn't there for that? Who didn't you let me have? Locks, I don't see. Since when? Since when?

SPEAKER_07 7:27

Since when it's crazy. Now, granted, when I look back at those pictures, I had such a young, naive face. So, yes, it was some time ago. I I life didn't punch me in the face yet.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 7:42

But it it was winding up.

unknown 7:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 7:46

It was really coming. Ready to give you one.

SPEAKER_07 7:54

So I think I I think I had cut my locks in March of 2019. Okay. And then um, and then I started, I had waves for a while. So I think you might have met me during that time frame. Waves, I was dying my hair, I was doing a few different things.

SPEAKER_04 8:08

Oh wow. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 8:11

I didn't let my hair grow out again, probably until 2020, right until the pandemic is when I tried again.

unknown 8:17

Okay. All right.

SPEAKER_03 8:19

I think so. I I I don't know. I always think about like a time period either before COVID or after COVID, and I just go off of that. And I feel like it was definitely before it changed so much of what we did. And I think if it was after, we probably or even during, we probably wouldn't be around each other. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 8:42

I think it was a matter of I met you the initial time. You were you were dating blue at the time. I met you initially then, never saw you again in person.

SPEAKER_05 8:53

Never.

SPEAKER_07 8:55

I can't even remember how I found your Instagram. I was like, oh, I remember her.

SPEAKER_03 9:03

Like, hey, I found this guy. And I had like more mutuals at that point as well. I think we did. Because one thing about Bowie, it connects you to a lot of people.

SPEAKER_07 9:14

And if the second you find just one, yeah, yeah, you'll you'll always know a guy.

SPEAKER_03 9:19

Right.

SPEAKER_04 9:23

Hey, out of the state.

SPEAKER_07 9:33

That's actually insane.

SPEAKER_03 9:35

Right. Like. That's weird. But yeah, we literally that was that one time, and then all these years never saw you again.

SPEAKER_07 9:47

Even the interactions on social media were never extensive.

SPEAKER_03 9:52

Yeah. It was always like either a comment. It was just always a comment, never a full-on convo.

SPEAKER_07 10:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:01

I'm like, oh my gosh, you're doing this thing. I'm so proud of you. And then you'll say something like that.

SPEAKER_07 10:05

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, look at you and your guy.

SPEAKER_00 10:08

Look great. Look at she. Like, oh man, she looks she looks nice in this outfit.

SPEAKER_04 10:18

Like. Why are you festling in the gym?

SPEAKER_01 10:22

Wow, I'm so proud of you. Keep going.

SPEAKER_07 10:27

And the thing, because you said you live in you live in Sea Pleasant right now.

SPEAKER_00 10:31

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_07 10:32

What if it's like 10 minutes from me?

SPEAKER_00 10:34

You serious?

SPEAKER_07 10:37

I live in Landham.

SPEAKER_00 10:39

You in Lan?

SPEAKER_07 10:41

Yes. So please maybe maybe maybe realistically like 15 minutes.

SPEAKER_02 10:47

Right.

SPEAKER_07 10:48

But if you're if you're off of if you're near Hill Road, and I am off of uh I could take Hill Road to go to uh to get to Annaplus Road.

SPEAKER_02 10:59

Right.

SPEAKER_07 11:00

And then I'm on like the other side of Annaplas Road. Like just yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:06

Oh wow. So Lanham, are you near like Seabrook?

SPEAKER_07 11:10

Yes, I'm around the corner from Seabrook. I went to Duval.

SPEAKER_03 11:14

You probably know somebody else that I know that I'm very close with.

unknown 11:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 11:21

Do you know who you know C? Who?

SPEAKER_03 11:26

Um her name is Sienna.

SPEAKER_07 11:31

Talk talk more. I know a Sienna.

SPEAKER_03 11:33

I'm gonna show you a picture. Hold on. Let me. I think you should have to see.

SPEAKER_07 11:38

Does she have like a scar on her neck?

SPEAKER_03 11:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 11:41

Yo. That's best friend.

SPEAKER_07 11:44

Off the record? Off the friend. No, it's not well. It could be off the record. I don't care no more. This is a while ago. I used to have the biggest crush on Sienna. It was crazy.

SPEAKER_04 12:01

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_07 12:04

And then I think she had a boyfriend for several years.

SPEAKER_03 12:11

She's amazing. So I get it. I'm like, wow, she's pretty. When I first met her, I was like, so pretty, girl.

SPEAKER_07 12:18

We were in band together. Yeah.

unknown 12:21

Oh.

SPEAKER_07 12:22

We were in bands. Like when I first initially met her. With high school. Didn't see her much afterwards. I think I still follow her. I'm not entirely sure.

SPEAKER_03 12:32

Yes. When you said Duval and then you said Lanham.

unknown 12:36

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 12:39

There.

SPEAKER_07 12:40

Oh, so she's gonna watch this. Oh, hi Sienna. So, like about what I just like said, you know? Sorry. Or like maybe you always knew, but just you know, just what yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_03 12:58

We're adults here. Sorry. Or had one, I'm like, why are you saying nothing at the time? Boost my self-esteem.

SPEAKER_07 13:14

That's the point. No one who has a crush says that they have a crush. I guess it's so I met my fiance it at Bowie nine years ago. So we've known each other for a really long time.

SPEAKER_02 13:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 13:29

Before we officially started dating. So we were always she had a boyfriend when I met her.

SPEAKER_02 13:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 13:37

Only difference was since I was older, I was a little more direct. I was like, hey, Charlie, respectfully, I don't care about your man, nigga. Talk to me. I'm the one that you need to be with. She'll tell you, it was a running joke. I would ask her, hey, are you and your boyfriend still together? And she would say yes, and then I would walk away. So so because clearly you're still delusional. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 14:14

So you call me when you come here and actually um something similar to what happened to me a while back. Because there was this guy who would every year, like one day out the year, he would like ask me, like, hey, like, are you still like in a relationship?

SPEAKER_01 14:34

And I'd be like, Yeah, you know, and he was like, Oh, okay, well, I'll try.

SPEAKER_07 14:40

Hey, because like you, you know what I'm saying? Shooters, shoot, even if it's far in between, shooters, shoot. Yeah, he was like, Hey, one thing she will not be able to say about me is that I was not persistent. I bark up that tree pretty much our entire friendship.

SPEAKER_01 14:59

Oh goodness, just just waiting on them to fall.

SPEAKER_07 15:06

Hello? I will say, even when they broke up, there was like some initial like, oh, that's so terrible. Oh my god. It looks like you need a you need a shoulder to cry on. I just so happen to have been working on my shoulder. Cry on my shoulder.

SPEAKER_01 15:30

Right, just just right here. I'm here when you need it.

SPEAKER_07 15:38

Even if I wanted to, it just clearly wouldn't work out for me if I tried it right now.

SPEAKER_02 15:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 15:45

There was like some needing to still just let her process and go through that because they were together for a while.

SPEAKER_03 15:52

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:56

I mean, oh, how sweet of you. How sweet of you to be so gracious with your presence.

SPEAKER_07 16:08

Like, I did care, like I cared that she was going through a breakup, you know, eventually. Right. Initially, uh no, I was I was this, I thought this was my chance. Like, cool, I need to strike while the iron's hot. But in reality, it's like, no, you'll burn yourself. So let it cool off and then go back.

SPEAKER_03 16:31

That's um, I think that was really smart on your part. You didn't like jump on there, you know, when the time was like, like, it's the time is now, let me just do it now. Because you probably would have gotten your heart broken. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 16:47

In retrospect, in some ways, because we did try.

SPEAKER_02 16:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 16:51

You know, so maybe around I look, I think I had my first car too. So this was like maybe tail end of 2020, 2021.

SPEAKER_02 17:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 17:02

I had my first car, and we like I said, we tried. We tried dating. And what ended up happening, I believe she can tell it a little better than I can. It was really a matter of she still just wasn't necessarily ready to change that dynamic of friend to lover, so to speak.

SPEAKER_02 17:23

Right.

SPEAKER_07 17:23

But she didn't want to lose the friend part, risking the lover part. And at that point, to me, I couldn't take that. And you know, that caused a bit of a it caused a bit of a falling out because in my mind, it was I finally had the chance, I gave it an honest to go try. Right, it didn't work out. So now I I I have my actual answer of like, okay, cool. Yeah, this isn't it. But knowing that, it was like, all right, right. This at this moment, I can't be your friend. I can't be your friend because I'll never not want to be more than friends. I'll always want to be more than that.

SPEAKER_03 18:07

Yeah, I appreciate that you said that because I think that that's why we constantly have the ongoing conversation of so before I even I'm sorry, before I even get into that, the topic of today, as you can hear and see, is discovering love out of a hopeless place. And I think that um I think that's why it's hard for women and men to say that we we have that ongoing conversation about can men and women be friends? And I think that for me, I think they definitely can, but you also have to know what your goal is out of being that person's friend, whether you want to be more than friends, whether you want to just be friends, whether you want to be that in-between, where it's like, I don't want a relationship with you, but I also want a little more than just being friends, or you know, there needs to just be a conversation, and I think that sometimes we don't have that, and so we befriend these people who we think, oh, yeah, like this is my buddy, like we're cool, we're awesome, but like he's saying, if given the chance, yeah, I will bounce, yeah, and now I can't just absolutely, but it's it's and I've been on both sides of that, okay.

SPEAKER_07 19:30

Because there was an instance where um there was someone that I liked for a while, and she made it clear off the rip, hey, this ain't going that way.

unknown 19:43

Right.

SPEAKER_07 19:44

So it's either you can be my friend or nothing else. And I thought maybe if I give it some time, maybe she'll come around. And it got to the point where she like off was like, hey, this was the boundary I set. You didn't respect it. I'm gonna distance myself, yeah, have a nice life, and I had to take that because at the time she was a really good friend, she was a really good person, and this, and I, you know, was like, dang, I misread the room. Real bad, in fact. Yeah, real bad. And now, you know, yeah, I have to sit with that. And then on the other side, there are plenty of of young ladies that I that are in my life who objectively they eat down, yeah, baddies, okay. Subjectively, I'm not attracted to them, or if the opportunity presented itself, no, I I wouldn't. Yeah, but like I said, objectively, they're great.

SPEAKER_03 20:48

Right.

SPEAKER_07 20:49

What I've not, yeah. It is very possible because it also deems into like what you like, what your intentions are, as you said. If you're only keeping women around you for the sake of possibly getting something from that, then your motives are a bit off to me. And that that's where I kind of look at you sideways, right? Because in order for me to have understood women the way that I have, I had to have been around women. Most of the dudes that I know are idiots. You know what I mean? Yeah, like yeah, it's so and it's like most of the men now that are in my life are married or have just gotten married or or have been in long-term relationships. So it's like those are the type of folks I want to be around. Because even if their one woman friend is their spouse, it's still a woman that's your friend. Yeah, it is possible. Like of all the married folks that I know, their spouse is their friend. Yeah, they're not, they don't just have a wife, they marry. To their friend.

SPEAKER_03 22:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 22:01

You know, and that was always a big point for me. I don't I didn't want to just find someone who I wanted to marry. I wanted to marry my actual friend. Like, marriage or not, Aaron is a really cool person. Like, I genuinely like hanging out with Aaron.

SPEAKER_05 22:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 22:21

You know what I mean? So it's like just now that I get to do this, cool. Now I just I get the hunch and I feel bad about it. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 22:31

Right. No, you're right. I agree. Like, be like being in a relationship with your friend, I mean, is such an amazing feeling because you actually realize, like, like you. You're not just like I love you, like, I like you as a human being. Like, we have stuff in common.

SPEAKER_07 22:49

We laugh about the same stuff. Yeah. We actually hang out, have good intellectual conversations, and we also can just appreciate silence and presence.

SPEAKER_02 23:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 23:03

If I have to fill in the space constantly with a person, I'm not comfortable around that person. The people I'm most comfortable with are the people that I can just exist near.

SPEAKER_03 23:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 23:18

You know? And that's that's one of my favorite things. That I don't I don't have to talk to you all the time. But you hey, you can do what you're doing. I do what I'm doing in my space. We might look at each other like, are you good? All right.

SPEAKER_03 23:33

Right. I mean, there was a um a video that I saw recently on Instagram where it was like when you're on the phone with like face on with your best friend, they doing laundry, you playing the game or whatever, they're cooking, she's I don't know, like feeding her cat or something. They're not really saying anything, they just making sure they're still on the phone, but they don't have nothing to say. And I just think that that's what life is worth living.

SPEAKER_07 24:03

Yes, like being able to just be bored with somebody, yeah, and not feel uncomfortable in that. I have friends now that I can just go over their house and just be there. They don't have to, they don't have to entertain me. Yeah, they don't have to like they don't have to offer me anything. It's like, no, this is low key just partially my house. I just don't pay rent here, so I don't have any to say.

SPEAKER_02 24:30

But like chilling.

SPEAKER_07 24:32

I've made myself at home. Yeah, I know where everything is. I've already had my little my little corner set up in the room. I know where the snacks are. But I'm here.

SPEAKER_03 24:46

I'm here. Take a nap, wake up, hey.

SPEAKER_07 24:50

You could like you could even leave me here by myself.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

Like, I'll let myself out, too. I think I'm fine. Right.

SPEAKER_03 25:00

I mean, that's that's it's so cool, and I think that when you mentioned your um married friends or engaged friends and how they just you know focus more on their relationship, I do see that as protection as well because of the confusion sometimes. When you do have um female friends, male friends, they it does get confusing, especially when you have people that aren't on the same agenda as you. Like, I remember having a friend of mine's who I kind of grew up with, and I thought, like, okay, well, even though you know we tried this thing, we'll still be friends, and he made it weird. And I'm like, wait a second. Even if we had this failed attempt at going on dates, or this failed attempt at doing something outside of our friendship, I thought that we can just revert back to being friends, and then I remember like my friend, she was just like, girl, he's liked you for a while now, and I'm like, no, hold on a second. I didn't know none of that.

SPEAKER_07 26:06

I find the most interesting how is it possible to believe what you want to believe, even though it's blarely obvious what the circumstance or the dynamic is.

SPEAKER_02 26:19

Right.

SPEAKER_07 26:20

I would love to pick a woman's brain on that. I would love to pick your brain on that of like there because I know there are women who know that their guy friends like them, yet they they almost kind of string them along. I am curious to know what's that what that's like to have someone who you had no idea liked you. So it's not that you were stringing them on because you obviously didn't know. I'm curious, yeah, is it a matter of you're just not able to read the signs or you don't want to read the signs?

SPEAKER_03 26:53

I think it was not wanting to read the signs, especially when you had like a friend for okay, for instance, our friendship. I felt like there was so many things that had happened, um, especially with like um he had like a loved one that passed and everything. And I was there for him, not in a way where it's like, I'm here for you, baby, you know, but like just more so like my parents were like checking up on him. I was checking up, like, hey, you good? Like, you know, but I wasn't the only one. I was just like his friend. And he was one of those guys where it's like he had like a crush on really everyone. So I didn't even, it didn't dawn on her that it's like this would affect our friendship. But I think I was the dumb one for falling into it. I went through a stage of feeling lonely and not having like that romantic aspect of it. And I felt like, oh, well, this person's like the closest to me, so let's see if we can pursue it. But if I'm not comfortable or if I want to back out, I felt like it was gonna be okay with me backing out, you know, and we could just revert back to being friends. And maybe he felt like his feelings were like kind of crushed, and he didn't know how to express that and say, hey, like I didn't like how you um played with my feelings, I feel, you know, and um it just kind of like strained its friendship and just withered away. So I will say it's a mixture of it for me in that moment. It definitely was I didn't want to see the signs because if I had read them and properly like assessed the situation, I probably would not have um allowed myself to get more vulnerable with him with thinking that there was gonna be an end for us having a relationship. I wouldn't have done that.

SPEAKER_06 28:49

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 28:50

Yeah. So but I mean, yeah, I I feel like women, I think how can I say this? I think that some women some women want what they want, and I think that like they feel like, all right, well, I don't really like want to be in a relationship with you, but we can there's some elements about you that I like. There's some elements about you that I want to still continue being friends or whatever, and because the guy goes along with it thinking that he's gonna get an in some way, they both kind of get what they want at some point, like you get the attention, um, he gets just the fact that he's kind of close to you or whatever. But at the end of it, somebody's about to get hurt, and I think that we have to realize like, whether it be you um um or him when you play with his feelings, or you when you lose an actual good friend. So you have to be so careful.

SPEAKER_07 29:51

I think that was the part that hurt the most about the one instance where that happened, right? Because at that moment, I I understood that I did damage a really good relationship that I had, a really good platonic relationship that I had, just trying to look at something for what it wasn't and almost try to convince myself, like, no, there's still there's a chance. And it's like, no, she said about the riff that there wasn't a chance. Like, what are we what are we really talking about? Yeah, and the sooner I was able to pick up on those things, even in the sense of I could tell why you were keeping me around, and the sooner that I could call that out, or at least just remove myself entirely, the better off I was. Now, don't get me wrong. Yeah, I I was was out here. And it's like when I tell people that they never believe me, which I get it. There's such there was such a I guess cultivated image that I have, yeah, that they would never expect it.

SPEAKER_00 30:52

Right.

SPEAKER_07 30:53

Number one, it's because I'm not an idiot and I don't talk about it to everyone.

SPEAKER_00 30:57

Right, yes.

SPEAKER_07 30:59

We're too public with everything that we do. Like, where is discretion? Where half of the fun was the not everyone knowing, yeah. Like the secretiveness was like the the rush. Yeah, so it was like, cool, if I'm gonna live this promiscuous life, why would I want people knowing that? That's not fun anymore. You know what I mean? Like, you know, but so like when I tell people I was out on the street, I I made an analogy the other day of like, if so are you familiar with DC?

SPEAKER_03 31:36

With who?

SPEAKER_07 31:37

DC, just the area in DC. Like, if somebody was on U Street and 14th Street, that's where like youngers are out on the street where everyone else is you're out on the street. It's like, cool. I was literally just down the street on T Street, right? I was even in the vicinity, but I'm not telling people, hey, I'm finna go, you know what I'm saying, on T Street. Come with me. It's like, no, everyone's on U Street and 14th.

SPEAKER_02 32:02

Right.

SPEAKER_07 32:03

I'm over here. It's just as fun over there where I am. I'm just not where y'all are. Let's believe. I'm having fun too. Like, but you know, after a while, it was like, dog, this ain't sustainable.

SPEAKER_02 32:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 32:21

Like I I understood most of the time I'm I was chasing gratification, acceptance, dope me, whatever you want to call it. Every, every non, every fake fulfilling thing, obviously, that's what I was going for while being out there, you know, doing what I was doing. And part of the unsustainability was just the sense of you're being pulled in so many directions, not only physically, depending on how involved you get, but now mentally, emotionally, and you know, spiritually, again, depending on how far you you get into this stuff, it's like, yo, this is yeah, it only it really does become taxing, especially the more aware you become. If you if now if you dull yourself to it, then you know, obviously you've unfortunately given yourself to your own devices. There's something about people who innately want to improve better themselves, whatever it is that you believe, me being uh a man that has faith. Something in you is just like, nah, bro, like this isn't what you really want. Yeah, it's what you're trying to convince yourself that you want because granted, it feels nice, but it's again, it's not going to fulfill you. Because if it did, you wouldn't have to keep going after it in the ways that you are, yeah. In the various forms that you are.

SPEAKER_02 33:52

Right.

SPEAKER_07 33:53

So looking back at it, I can laugh about some of these stories. You couldn't pay me enough to want to do that again.

SPEAKER_03 34:01

Yeah. You know, I agree with you. Um, especially with me um growing my relationship with God and just trying to, for me, get on the right path and the path that I know is sustainable. It's it's like looking back and seeing all the situationships that I was in was very, very taxing. And I saw some of the signs. I can't say that everything was about the man, like he did this and he did that. There were some things, some signs that I should have read up. It should have been like, I need to be out this man's house. ASAP. Yeah, you know, or because I remember this one time I went to this guy's house. First of all, he snuck me in. That should have been red flat number one.

SPEAKER_01 34:56

I mean, while mom's home, that's crazy. Right, like we're like parking my car, and he's like, Okay, you can come in now. What?

SPEAKER_07 35:08

My mom went to the bathroom, she turned the exhaust fan on, she don't think that for a while. We got something.

SPEAKER_01 35:15

It was so it was so bad.

SPEAKER_03 35:17

He was like, You can come in now, and I'm like, Oh, okay, and I go downstairs, and I think he went upstairs to talk to his sister or something like that. He was like, Yeah, I can play a movie or whatever, blah blah blah. And um, his girlfriend had sent him a notification. Now, you know, I didn't know what's happening. I didn't know if it was a girlfriend. I didn't, I'm gonna say girlfriend now because of what I know now, but like I saw something that should have been a red flag, and I just thought, like, I don't know if I should bring that up. Because he said that they, you know, had broken up, you know, and yeah, that definitely should have been more of a for like more of a conversation for me to have, or not even a conversation, uh, get out the house. Like, do not even talk to this man, and I continue pursuing, pursuing until he stopped talking to me, and I said, Ew talking to me when I should have stopped talking to you.

SPEAKER_07 36:33

You stuck me into your house. Right.

SPEAKER_03 36:36

How dare you? It was so many like different things that I look back and I'm like, he really did that, and I allowed that, and I should have made that something that I'm like, I'm not gonna go for that. There were so many different things, like he still had highlights of him and his girlfriend up. Um, that was like my first, like on the first date. I remember telling my uh I remember telling Sienna, I was like, uh girl, he still got some pictures.

SPEAKER_07 37:10

Like a little circle on the inside. That is insane.

SPEAKER_03 37:18

Insane on his way to take me out, brought me flowers, told me it was a surprise date, took me to see the zoo lights. You hate me.

SPEAKER_07 37:34

I'm gonna hold your hand when I say this. Come on, come on. I told you to go to the zoo lights one time, man. You played yourself.

SPEAKER_01 37:50

You played yourself. I'm gonna use you to log out for me.

SPEAKER_07 37:54

Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and just the zoo lights for sure. Let's let's just call mom. Let's just yeah, let's just let's call mom. It's okay.

SPEAKER_03 38:06

Let me tell you, part of me wanted to tell that girlfriend so bad, Ryan. I wanted to tell them zoo lights.

SPEAKER_01 38:14

I was gonna send screenshots.

SPEAKER_07 38:16

Yo, the zoo lights are so them jokes are so dumb. In retrospect, I hate the zoo lights. Those things are so stupid. My first time going, I'm thinking, okay, so it's gonna be a zebra with a light display on it. That's like, okay, no, all right. Spirals. Yeah, I guess I guess that's fine. And then it almost seemed darker with the lights. Like, I don't know, it sounds weird. Yeah, it almost seemed like the lights weren't bright enough.

SPEAKER_00 38:55

Yeah, I agree with you. You don't have to do set up, this is one big hill.

SPEAKER_02 39:00

Yeah, one big hill.

SPEAKER_07 39:03

You realize, dang, I gotta walk all the way back up this hill. All about looking at the same exact lights.

SPEAKER_03 39:11

It's the same lights, the same lights, and like when you try to take a photo, it's not like how you see it in person.

SPEAKER_07 39:18

It's just no, it's the it's it's it's the stigmatism filter where all the lights, all the lights do that, and you looking dark as the why are you in it in the first place?

SPEAKER_01 39:29

Sleep paralysis demons looking very shadow-like in the coin trying to take a photo, talking about oh, it's nice, you're lying.

SPEAKER_07 39:40

Like, don't get me wrong, the date I had there was nice. Yeah, would I go back again?

SPEAKER_03 39:46

No, what they need to have for me. I love me some lights. I love lights bad, okay? And me and my friends, we used to go like every year. Now, as I'm getting older, because before it was like, wow, like all your friends, y'all hop on the metro or y'all meet up there, and it's just fun. And then afterwards, you might get some hot chocolate because it's cold as heck when you go there. I think that's also another thing. It's too cold.

SPEAKER_01 40:18

I can't appreciate it as much.

SPEAKER_07 40:21

That's why I started going to I I always went to the drive-thru light displays. So my brother and I used to go to one at Walkins Park.

SPEAKER_04 40:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 40:31

I started going to that one. And then recently, this past Christmas, uh, Aaron and I went on a double date with um some friends of mine. Uh shout out Evan and Angela, newlyweds, newly carried into the well talking about married friends.

SPEAKER_03 40:47

Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 40:49

I'll talk about that for a little bit, where literally it was like once they got married, because I met them, I met them before they got engaged.

SPEAKER_03 40:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 41:00

But then, you know, shortly after they got engaged, was at the wedding, all that stuff. And literally it was like, cool. I know I knew I was going to need married friends, and I knew I was going to need married friends around the same age as me. So it's like once they, you know, saying, I was like, okay, where? Them. So I love them both dearly. They are great people. They, I think they even have they just launched their own podcast. I think it's called Oh God. It's it's two A's. I know that.

SPEAKER_04 41:31

Oh goodness.

SPEAKER_07 41:32

We'll go back to that. Oh yeah, I'll find that later. But we we went to um we went all the way out like almost like Carroll County for some for these drive-thru lights to play because there was a carnival attached to it. Now, Brent, like to your point, again, freezing.

SPEAKER_00 41:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 41:51

So sometimes it's hard to enjoy it because you're so cold. But yeah, you gotta start getting creative, especially if you know other other areas suck. And again, the zoo lights suck. So I'm I'm actually being on your side on this. The fact that you went, I'm not on your side. This if you had said anywhere else, I might have, you know, you might have gotten some sympathy. Because you went to the zoo lights specifically, nah.

SPEAKER_01 42:18

You don't you don't get no sympathy though? Who's a surprise? He the the zoo lights was a surprise.

SPEAKER_07 42:25

The tickets were free at the time. I don't tickets used to be free. Nothing else about no surprise.

SPEAKER_01 42:36

Yeah, it's like hold on, I got a surprise for you. The technical friend's like, where should I take her?

SPEAKER_03 42:43

Yeah, he did me so dare.

SPEAKER_07 42:46

I got a surprise for you right after I make the phone call.

SPEAKER_03 42:48

Yeah, right. Hold on. Picked up the flowers on the way to pick me up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 42:55

What he was doing from the Spanish people on the freeway, bro. Yeah, and he's just like, hold on, give me the grocery store from Safeway.

SPEAKER_03 43:03

Give me one of those. But I mean, honestly, it's like yeah, that's why it's like you can be romantic because there's so many ways where you can do it. When people are like not doing anything at all, it's like, bro, they hate you. No flowers.

SPEAKER_07 43:19

That was no nothing. They hate you. Right, because I think romance in it in and of itself is a bit subjective because not everybody likes everything.

SPEAKER_03 43:28

Of course.

SPEAKER_07 43:28

I was very, I was very surprised to learn that uh my fiance does not like being given flowers at all. Giving flowers is one of my favorite things to do.

SPEAKER_04 43:38

Aww.

SPEAKER_07 43:40

But you know, if it she explained the reasoning why she doesn't like him, and then I was able to explain why I do like him. So we kind of met in the middle, right, so to speak, of uh not every occasion, but some.

SPEAKER_05 43:56

Right.

SPEAKER_07 43:57

Um and then even the Like where you all go, the type of stuff that y'all get to do together, share together. Again, that's that's all subjective. That's why you gotta get with your friend, your best friend, because your best friend is gonna make you feel bad because y'all are gonna like the same stuff. Romance to y'all is going to be perfect for y'all, right? How simple or how extravagant it is.

SPEAKER_03 44:24

Exactly. It does not have to be like this huge big thing. Like for me and um my boyfriend D, he is is he loves sports, and so I'm down with sports. I don't really know much sports. I mean, he's made me an Eagles fan, but like without him, are you an Eagles fan? Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 44:50

This is why I like you.

SPEAKER_07 44:54

I don't know who D is, but D is a fifth lead D man. D is the man.

SPEAKER_01 45:01

Yo stop telling me I'm talking to an Eagles fan right now.

SPEAKER_07 45:06

Why do you think the chemistry is chemistry?

SPEAKER_04 45:08

It's chemistry, like wait.

SPEAKER_07 45:11

Go freaking birds. That is right. Oh, that's that just made my night.

SPEAKER_01 45:17

Listen, remember I remember when I went to work one day and I saw this girl, she was wearing an eagle's hat, and I was like, No eagles. Because I don't know nothing, you know. She was like, I told him, I said, you're gonna be so proud of me.

SPEAKER_07 45:36

He was like, it's actually uh go birds, and I said, uh No, I would I wouldn't have cared either way, I would have I would have felt the exact same way because even while I work at the gym, some folks will come in with with Eagles paraphernalia. But what I find funny is like no other fans, I've never seen any other fans interact like that except for Eagles fans. We've never seen a Commanders fan see another Commanders fan. They're like, oh right. It's almost like YouTube is like, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:08

Because they're always so sad.

SPEAKER_07 46:14

The way I I said to myself, I don't need them to win another Super Bowl ever. I've witnessed them win two in my lifetime, and then I went to a parade, I'm good. They could they could never win another football game ever. I'm good. Yeah, and I'm in a better position than half of the other fans that I know. It's pretty much the this it's really pretty much split between in terms of the people that I know, right? The commanders, the cowboys, and the ravens. That's that's those are the most common denominators amongst my friend groups. Like, hey, sucks to be all.

SPEAKER_03 46:51

Yeah, yeah. Especially since I mean the community, you know, billboards, like when we the other places, let me tell you, Philly's Philly eat eagles off. They love the eagles. Why the billboards were here?

SPEAKER_07 47:10

At least the Eagles specifically are probably on par in terms of passionate fans in like New York. I think New York, Boston, Philadelphia, and Los Angeles probably have the the are probably the most four passionate sport fans I've ever seen. And then maybe Chicago. I guess the other thing, I would put those four against like any other group and say, nah, they're they're more passionate about their teams.

SPEAKER_03 47:45

Man, because I tell you, when like the I mean, and so many people are commanders fans, like diehard commanders fans. And I'm like, we can't just have Easter Motors, y'all.

SPEAKER_01 47:56

We y'all gotta do more, even though I love that commercial. We got we gotta push it.

SPEAKER_07 48:05

They charge you credit, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 48:09

Four Honda 600 cars, trucks, trucks, don't forget the SGBs. Are you are you listening?

SPEAKER_07 48:26

Like, what's even crazy? They'll finance it all the way. All the way all of the way, all the way, they will put you in a car today and they will finance it all the way. Like, come on, come on, you can't you can't beat that.

SPEAKER_01 48:40

You can't you can't not beat that. The way how they was talking to us, right? One-on-one from Easter Motors so bat. Yeah, that's the promotion for you.

SPEAKER_07 48:54

I thought when I was hearing so much, I thought this was like a national business. Yeah, I thought everyone knew about Easter Motors. I was like, no, it was literally just Prince George's County. Like, yeah, what do you mean?

SPEAKER_03 49:09

Just PG shouting. I think the farthest was maybe Virginia, but like, yeah, that was our local essay.

SPEAKER_01 49:19

You mean to tell me we had celebrities doing Easter motor commercials?

SPEAKER_03 49:25

Because they had um, what's his name? He um passed away like a few years back.

SPEAKER_07 49:30

John Witherspoon.

SPEAKER_00 49:33

John Witherspoon was in the front seat of that car. Yo, John Witherspoon from the DMV.

SPEAKER_01 49:43

Like, what are we talking about? They said we need you.

SPEAKER_07 49:47

You can see we need star power, and there's no bigger star.

SPEAKER_01 49:57

I wonder how much they paid him to do the commercials.

SPEAKER_07 49:59

Like five thousand dollars.

SPEAKER_03 50:04

They said, please, we'll we'll send you a flight. We can do housing, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 50:12

And the best western, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 50:14

At the best western, hey, days in, one of them.

SPEAKER_07 50:21

Hey, you know, let me not get to talk because comfort in, quality in. Yeah, just got me for many a nights when I was on the road. Like down real bad.

SPEAKER_03 50:32

Got us together, got us together. It sure did. It it honestly, like, relationships has been such a journey because I felt like I was serious at that time, but as you get older, you realize your do's and your don'ts. And um I I'm not one for like giving out rejection, and what I when I say that is like, you know, telling people like, hey, I'm not really like interested in you or whatever, but we can still be friends. Like, I always try to push in it a bit, but I mean, I'm now I'm for the girlies, including myself. That is just like, yeah, like you don't really like my boundaries, you don't really respect I don't need to be your friend anymore.

SPEAKER_07 51:25

Like, facts, like matter of fact, who are you?

SPEAKER_01 51:29

Who are you?

SPEAKER_03 51:31

Like, it's giving loser, it's giving real loser. Like, you disgust me. There was this guy that like I used to talk to, and I he came to me saying, Hey, you want to be friends, blah blah blah. He's selling me on this dream, right? Stay with me. About to get bruised. He's like, Oh, you know, we can be friends, blah blah blah blah. I'm on a different path, I'm on a different journey. I'm like, I'm proud of you, blah blah blah, whatever. I can befriend you, I'm cool with that. This man tried to overstep my boundaries, boundaries he also established that I did not come to him with at all. And I say, block you, don't like blocky, but I really had to block this man.

SPEAKER_07 52:23

You know what's even funny? I've learned that, and it doesn't matter who they're approaching. Meaning, I've had gentlemen approach me with that same type of like, you know, right, I'm gonna say some outlandish stuff, and because you're a guy, you're not gonna react the same way that a woman might.

SPEAKER_02 52:43

I don't think like you're weird, actually.

SPEAKER_07 52:50

You're actually weird, and you know what? I'm gonna block you, and then I'm gonna talk about you. Yeah, I'm gonna tell everyone, I'm gonna tell all of my people that I know that you're a weirdo, and I'm gonna post the screenshots too. Yeah, I'll save you, I'll save you some dignity. I ain't gonna show your face. No, they don't see the type of out-of-pocket stuff you said.

SPEAKER_03 53:10

Mm-hmm. Oh, shame.

SPEAKER_07 53:15

We need to bring back to come back. Shame is the thing that will cure our society. If people felt more embarrassment for the dumb stuff that they said, we will not have the issues that we have. Oh, understand inclusivity, yeah, but it gets to a point where we're enabling idiots. Like, if we could go back to bullying idiots, yeah, not the innocent, idiots, yeah. Yeah, I remember you would get made fun of for being dumb, and I missed that. Yeah, because it forced you to lock in.

SPEAKER_01 53:58

I remember this was a very sad time, but it brings you saying that brings me to that point. You remember during COVID, right? When people would have to read the room because of how sad everyone was, especially police brutality.

SPEAKER_03 54:16

We were out there in the streets protesting, you talking about happy birthday?

SPEAKER_01 54:23

Why why do you want us to tell you happy birthday when they killing our men in the streets?

SPEAKER_07 54:31

Yo, we are in the middle of a civilist movement. And you're you're talking about all my Gemini's comment and find your birthday twins. What are you talking about? What did you talk? Are you that's when people ask, like, yo, are you are you actually stupid? Are you dumb?

SPEAKER_01 54:52

What's what's actually nobody nobody has felt enough of that since that time period where people would be like yo, and I was out there, bro.

SPEAKER_07 55:12

I was at some of them protests, some of them walkthroughs, man, some of them uh the marches. Yeah. It was crazy. This was a like I really that was like one of the first times I really felt connected as a black American. Like I really I felt like I was doing something. Now you talk about some like for TBH.

SPEAKER_00 55:35

Like, what?

SPEAKER_07 55:37

You're not getting it 2014. Like you like, I think that was like the time of like the confessions link. Yeah. The NGL confessions link. Right. Like, bro.

SPEAKER_03 55:50

Mm-hmm. What's what's actually wrong with you? What's not clicking about how we're trying to come together as a community and you out here talking about some oh what should I wear for this thing that's coming up? Are you crazy? What thing that was cleared?

SPEAKER_07 56:08

Was it cleared by the CDL? The CDL? What is it? It's not the CDL. Yeah. CDC, yeah. The CDC.

SPEAKER_01 56:18

What do you mean a thing? I'm calling the police. I'm calling the police. Wherever, wherever you're gonna be that's congregating, that isn't about a protest. I'm going to make sure I call the authorities. I'm going to make sure it gets shut down.

SPEAKER_07 56:33

I'm going to see it personally that it gets shut down. I was still involved with church during the pandemic too. I was one of some of those essential folks. So we would extreme services, but with only like maybe an eighth of who we would normally have. So we would just have the singers, the musicians, whoever was running the media, yeah, and the and the preacher. So it's like, what are you what are you talking about? Gathering. Going over going over somebody's party?

SPEAKER_03 57:07

Party? Party? Y'all doing a kickback? Where? I want to know.

SPEAKER_07 57:15

So I can kick down the door.

SPEAKER_03 57:20

I remember when people was traveling. I said, whoa.

SPEAKER_07 57:23

Yo, I remember when people would be loose in their own house.

SPEAKER_02 57:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 57:28

In their own house.

SPEAKER_02 57:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 57:30

In their cars. That now that I don't think is is un is forgivable. Riding in a mask as a solo driver is insane.

SPEAKER_04 57:42

Just losing oxygen on your own. Oh my god. You can't be free not one time.

SPEAKER_07 57:52

You can't. You can you can turn on the air circulation. Like I promise you, it won't get in the car.

SPEAKER_00 58:05

I need to pass out. Almost it now.

SPEAKER_07 58:09

I say all of this. And you know, there were certain points where I was just like, man, I I gotta I gotta get this out of me. So there there were workarounds.

SPEAKER_02 58:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 58:23

Depending on the context, you know what I'm saying? What it was that she was trying to do. It was like, cool. How many people have you seen this week? None? Alright, maybe we could, you know what I'm saying? Do something. Or vice versa. Because things were still happening during the pandemic.

SPEAKER_02 58:42

Right.

SPEAKER_07 58:43

They can only stop with so many of us.

SPEAKER_03 58:46

That's true. And I mean, I loved, I loved when it was scattered. Like, there was nobody on the road, nobody really at the grocery store. I mean, I hate like the lack of preparedness that people have because people just be stalking on just anything. Nothing for anyone else.

SPEAKER_07 59:07

I don't think, like, I don't think you need 20 cases of dude wipes at all.

SPEAKER_03 59:20

Where's the toilet paper?

SPEAKER_07 59:25

I don't think I've ever by myself gone through that much toilet paper.

SPEAKER_02 59:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 59:32

There has to be people who still have some. I'm sure. I'm convinced.

SPEAKER_03 59:37

I'm truly stacked up in their cabinet somewhere.

SPEAKER_07 59:41

Some somewhere.

SPEAKER_03 59:43

Because they brought 20 packs, like two paste, plenty of that.

SPEAKER_07 59:48

Now I will say, especially, because I think March of 20. So before everything went down, I remember I was recording, I was filming a YouTube series in DC. And this was right when they had maybe five or six confirmed cases in DC. So this was before the full state of emergency, everything seemed shut down. I remember taking the train home, but looking around the city and it already looking like a ghost town. So when I did go back at like the height of it all, so maybe like August, September, you're looking, it almost like the scene of I Am Legend when he was driving through this, like driving through New York, and it was just him, like businesses were boarded up.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:43

Like it was quiet in DC.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:47

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:48

That's why I was like, yo, this is this is truly like not scary, but yeah, this is really weird.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:57

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:58

And again, all the while, they'll found a way to get up in these streets. Gap still found it. And it was like again, but it's like, I'm not gonna tell you about it because you know cultivated image.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:15

Sometimes we we don't have to tell all. We we could just give a little idea of what it's looking like. Because I mean, I even heard stories of some people saying that they found their like person or the person at the time during that, and then they stayed in the house with them. I can only imagine what that is like to just now know this person. You got a quarantine with them. Who are you?

SPEAKER_07 1:01:41

For sure. It's like we're we're stuck here. Yeah, we're not like everyone. It's just safe outside right now.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:50

Do I want to be out right now? No, I mean is it worth it? Like, okay, I guess I guess we might as well work through it, right? For better or for worse.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:59

For better or for worse. Let's start Mary's life right now. Afterwards, we just get married or something. Like, hello. Yeah, it it it was some it was something. Celebrities was getting dragged for things that they were saying.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:16

Like 1994.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:20

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:23

Yes. Read the room. What in it you not get in?

SPEAKER_01 1:02:28

Like that was such a when people bring it up, it makes me crack up so bad because people really had to not say anything.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:39

No birthday, no celebration. I don't want to hear about your wedding. I don't want to hear about your wedding.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:46

Unless you were unless you were making content surrounded around our shared experience, no one cared that you had an original idea. No, nobody at all cared that you had an original idea. We even like so I think the thing that I've appreciated most about Aaron in that regard.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:06

Especially in terms of like if someone had to be if you had to be locked in during the pandemic with somebody, her and I have seen very low points of our lives together.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:19

Even so while we were while we were friends, we we saw low points in our lives. And then while we've been together, very, very low points in my life. And not low in the sense of uh I think low in the sense of transition.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:40

And the uncomfortableness of shedding who you once were into what it is that you're trying to become, and however long that takes, it is a very brutal, uncomfortable process.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:57

Yeah. I'll even like a small detail for our wedding, right? We asked everybody to wear black. But also, we're not married yet.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:07

I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:10

I don't want anybody think who when the eat not yet. When it does happen, you know, we asked everyone who was coming to wear black. And somebody like flat out, I was like, What why black? Like a marriage is supposed to be like joyous. And yes, in and of itself it is, it is joyous, but you're also really coming to a funeral, so to speak. You're watching the you're you're commemorating the life of two single individuals who are now coming together as one person.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:42

Right.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:44

You're watching the the death of something and then celebrating the life of something else. And as you do at the funerals, it's you're acknowledging their life, but you're also celebrating what it is.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:57

Honestly, I think that that's very beautiful and a very interesting take. And I think that one of the things that I want to do, especially in this season, is I'm calling it strong up because of like my Jamaican background, but what it means to what it really means is being strong in what decisions you have made, because there are gonna be people who ask those questions to say, why y'all gotta do that? And why don't y'all do this instead? And I am seeing it, especially on social media. I was just talking to my best friend about it um before getting on the pod with you. And I'm like, people do, we're very opinionated people, and especially when you go on social media, people are talking about married life, what they want to do at their weddings and stuff, some do's and some don'ts, pretty strict rules, you know what I mean. And then you see in the comment section, and they're like, Why can't I bring my phone in there? Why can't I bring my nine year old child here?

SPEAKER_07 1:06:00

Like it's like ultimately number one is because what is what we want.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:03

Right.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:05

If you don't want to do it, don't come.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:07

Don't come.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:08

I I said it's somebody like because our wedding's gonna be in the morning and it's gonna weekday. So even if it's joking, the fact that you're commenting about it is a microaggression.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:18

It took me a lot to just be like, yo, then don't come.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:22

Fuck. I'll remove you right now. Don't come.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:25

Just don't come.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:26

Because what are we talking about? I don't because I if you think you're gonna let you think I'm gonna let that slide the day of, oh, I got folks who will make a scene and I will ask them to ask you to leave.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:41

I will not acknowledge it either. I was gonna say, first of all, I understand that weddings are like about the bride, not this one, okay? When I come down the aisle to set myself up, if the reaction isn't what I believe the reaction should be, I'm turning around and I'm doing it again. Doing it again.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:01

It's simple.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:02

Fuss will be made.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:04

Exactly. Cue the music.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:07

Hello. Let's let's reset. Maybe think about why you all are here. Think about your purpose. Remember your why. And let's and let's try it again.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:27

Hello?

SPEAKER_03 1:07:28

For you. Because just as much as it's her day, it's also your day. You gotta appreciate what?

SPEAKER_07 1:07:37

I'm getting mad already.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:39

I'm hating.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:41

What?

SPEAKER_07 1:07:44

I'm trying to say running from the top already, and ain't nobody even set up.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:49

Like because we know we know some people that can be like that. Not that we have those people in life, but just like there are people in life that are like that. I see it in the comment section all the time. Like somebody, um, this uh couple was talking about how instead of doing like plated dinners, they want people to kind of like get up, walk around, take like you know, either buffet style or they were doing one of those um we're doing buffet style. Yes, yes, because you want to get up and have your people mingle. Like if they're doing seated dinners, like where the um the caterers or whatever they bring out the food, ain't nobody gonna stand up. Stand up to dance, nobody gonna stand up. Everybody's gonna be very comfortable seated. Only people that are gonna get up are the kids running up and down.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:41

Ain't no kids on my way.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:44

I love that for you.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:46

With the exception of the ones that are in the ceremony, else coming to that for you, man. Everybody ain't getting cake. We're gonna have a little dessert, we're gonna have a little dessert table. We're um, we're doing brunch style.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:02

Well, it is morning, so yeah, I like that.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:05

So I need a little pastries or something. Her and I'm gonna have our little cake. Everybody's everybody shut up.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:13

Everybody shut up and just eat your food.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:20

I promise you. Because I have my one of my friends, um, she's uh like our day of coordinator. And I've already given her permission, like, hey, be as extra as you gotta be with these folk. Yeah, they go act right, straight up. You have my you have all of my permission to do all of what you gotta do.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:43

Right.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:44

If they didn't RSVP, they didn't RSVP, they not there.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:52

People need to realize that even though this person is your friend or your family member, you don't get no special treatment. Follow the code.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:01

You gotta respect the code, you gotta respect my rules. It's my day.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:06

That's hard. I people be so entitled, like it's making me grab my forehead because I'm so frustrated with just the fact that people literally like are so much about them for somebody else's day.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:26

Right.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:29

How can you even feel like I'm gonna be like, well, y'all should have done this? Do it at your wedding, do it, do it at your birthday party if you want to do that. Do it there.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:41

And if you're already married, renew your vows, and then you can do it how you want. Simple, you know, you don't won't be there with me. You want that bad, great. You do it yourself.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:52

Do it yourself, exactly. You want me to do it on my dime so you can enjoy for free.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:58

That's the other part. Y'all ain't paying for none of this. I ain't contribute now. And you have the nerve to complain. Lack of contributions means you have no right for opinions. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:20

No financial, hey, let me give y'all a little bit of this, give y'all a little bit of that.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:26

You officially have no say so, you have no say so if you have not contributed anything at all.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:32

I get it, I agree with that a hundred percent. And I oh my gosh, I can't wait to see y'all pictures and stuff.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:43

We are gonna try to stream it. So I'll make sure that you know what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:49

Please do, please send it my way so I can just sit down, have my popcorn.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:57

First thing in the morning. In the morning. I'll have my brunch then. My brunch. Thank you. I'll like at least get at least get with the vibe.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:06

With some tea.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:07

Get you some hot cakes from McDonald's or something.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:10

I'm gonna screenshot it and start sending you different scenes. I'm like, yo, you missed this, bro. Look at look at what this person did.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:19

You're a snitch, you're a snitch for me. Confront this person at the reception because they did this.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:25

They did this. Have a have a conversation with that that guy specifically. Uh, I love love. I honestly do. And I mean, on it, I would love to like um engage in more conversations with you about wedding stuff because even though I'm not engaged as yet, but I'm putting it, you know, I'm praying for it. Um, I want to just learn more about that because people are talking about, you know, the financial aspect and so maybe some do's and some don'ts, some things to consider that you haven't really thought about until maybe after, and you're like, you know what, this could have been better, or I'm glad we did this. So, you know, I will be asking you.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:12

Please, by all means, I'm still we're still learning in and of itself.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:16

Because uh, we finally have like the set number for everything, actually, how much everything is essentially going to cost. Um, and it's kind of it's not as high as we were expecting, which thankfully, so it's kind of in the realm of what we were expecting. That's good, but it doesn't negate the fact that it's still money that we have to find, right? You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 1:13:43

I wonder if they have grants about things.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:46

I've seen some I've seen ads about it all the time. Yeah, but I don't never buy any of that stuff. It's like enter to win a free ten thousand dollar. Sorry, shut up, you want my data. But you know, just in the space of like uh faith, it's one of those things where it's it's really easy to see that price and immediately be intuitive and buy it. But I don't think I've ever heard at least the couples that I admire say that everything was together in preparation for the wedding, and yet everything came together for the wedding.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:21

Right.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:22

You know, I mean it's it's a marriage to me is a is a very sacred act because it's a direct representation of the relationship that God that Christ has with the church.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:34

Marriage is that if we are the bride of Christ. So, as spiritual as it is on the good, it's going to be that much spiritual in terms of battling to get there. And I've heard this testimony after testimony about how they did not have it. Some folks didn't have anything, even after the wedding, on the honeymoon, coming back to like thinking, okay, we're gonna come back and what are we going to do? And yet every single time it made sense. Yeah, you know what I mean? So it's uncomfortable now, but it's the fact that I can sit in it being uncomfortable and just keep plowing and knowing that some way will get made somehow.

unknown 1:15:24

Right.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:24

I don't know how. It sucks because I don't know how, but that's the point because it's meant for me to know. And I, you know, that's that's the act of faith. The act of faith is to not, it's almost like um some people can overwork themselves trying to accomplish something that faith is supposed to accomplish. Right. So the fact that you're overworking is showing a lack of faith. And that's something that I've recently had to learn, even with these jobs, with the jobs that I have, of thinking that I can outwork what God has ordained.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:01

Because that would imply that me having these jobs is only predicated on what I do. Me having these jobs is predicated on God alone.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:09

I didn't give I didn't give myself these jobs, and I can't keep these jobs.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:13

Right.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:14

I can do everything right, and he can tell them folks, all right, cool, he's gonna get fired the next day. So the fact that I still got it is only by his grace and mercy. So the fact that I don't have everything to pay for the wedding, it's only by his grace and mercy. Because somehow, somehow, the wedding that her and I are supposed to have, we're gonna have it.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:33

Right.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:34

And you know, and until I see that, I'm uh we're gonna we're just gonna hold on to him.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:41

We're just gonna hold on to him. That's all we can do. If we have nothing else, we do have him. You know, and I I definitely agree with you because um in this season right now, I am identifying that I have like a patience issue. Um, I've always like thought of myself as someone who is patient, and I am for certain things, but I will say that I am harder on myself than I am with like other people, like I'm more understanding with others and I'm not understanding of myself. And so um when I told you about like job hunting and everything, and how I'm like more flexible and like available to do certain things, I am hard on myself because I'm just like, why isn't a job that I want coming now? Like, why is I'm having so many questions and I feel frustrated about it, but I do have to remind myself to really just be patient and know that it's not just relying heavily on like my skills and qualifications or all these things because I have been placed in positions where I did not feel like I was qualified to do them, you know, and so I know that that can happen again, it's just a matter of when, and sometimes it can be a little scary.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:01

Yeah, absolutely, yeah. So we're gonna be alright, friend. We're gonna be alright, we're gonna be alright in Jesus. I promise you that I wanna meet this. I want to meet this D guy. I wanna meet this guy. I think I've only seen pictures. Yes, I wanna meet him. I wanna see he's truly funny.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:28

I don't know if you ever seen so I want to post the video and I want to make like a little compilation.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:36

So I don't know if you've seen like videos of people are like when like my boyfriend or my husband is like over-stimulating me, and then they have the song, and I know you see me watching.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:47

See, but that's her with me. The stuff that she does to me when I'm already overstimulated is insane. Yeah, you can do a compilation. There's so much stuff that y'all don't see, it's so much stuff that y'all don't see, but I'm gonna stick beside her.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:08

I'm gonna stick beside her. Oh my gosh, I would love to meet her as well. Like, I'm all for double dates. I do have to ask him though, because he is very like, you know, I'm more of the like social and friendly, and I'm all for people. He's for people too, but he's strategic.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:26

Right, I'm more yeah, I'm more I'm for people for like an hour. It's like, all right, everybody, shut up and leave me. I'm like trolling. So I'm gonna bring my headphones and my Rubik's Click my Rubik's Cruise overstuming it. Where's my stemming chair? I need to sit in it and spin for an hour. And we will leave.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:48

Like, you know what? That's valid. Sometimes, like, I'll see him like at a function, and then I'm like, oh, where is he? And he's like in another room, just on his phone or something. You just you can't sometimes you just gotta you gotta do that for you, you know, can't be with amongst the people all the time for very long, but he's the best, he truly, truly is, and I'm sure he's gonna be very happy to know that you're an Eagles fan.

unknown 1:20:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:19

Now she's now unfortunately she's a Ravens fan, but essentially she right, you know.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:26

How does that how's that go on?

SPEAKER_07 1:20:28

Like you know, two but two birds, one house. Yeah, you've said that she'll root for the Eagles if they make it to the playoffs, and they don't like so next season great, yeah. So, you know, they'll I'll make plenty of space next to me on the couch, and we're gonna root for our team together.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:51

I like that. At least you guys have like, you know, like a healthy, I'll support you, you support me.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:58

No, it's cheap support for me. I love it.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:00

Oh, okay, right.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:02

Well, in terms of football, I mean, you know what I'm saying? The preface is I support my woman.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:09

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I'll do the okay. Let's let's get her opinion on it. Let's let's see what's to her about it.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:19

How about maybe we should also add football to it as well? Like, are we not showing our support? But I mean, I get that, you know. Sometimes when I mention the commanders, do you kind of sides eyed me a bit? But I'm like, I've also grown up in this area, like the commanders is right behind me.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:39

Not facts, you're literally there.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:42

My my elementary school and my middle school is right in front of it, so like funnier. They used to they used to bring the players to our pep rally, bro. Like, the commanders been in my life since I've known a football teen.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:01

So, are you aware are you a Wizards fan too? Do you watch basketball too?

SPEAKER_03 1:22:05

I don't really watch basketball as much. I mean, I know that the Wizards suck.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:11

Yeah, I mean you don't miss much, so you know, and I feel that someone said that the Wizards are going through a humiliation ritual, and I can't get it out of my mind. I think I saw it on TikTok because the same thing happened to like the New York Knicks and the Detroit Pistons for a couple of years, where they had to go through several years of being the laughing stock, and now both of those teams are like the two of the best teams in the in the Eastern Conference.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:42

Interesting.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:43

That's been the Wizards for so long, and now that uh recently Bam Atabayo dropped 84 on them. They might have done the last thing. Like this might this might have been the last task before they can finally start making sense again.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:02

Yeah. Oh, they need to be. I didn't know that he was against the wizards when he did when he made history.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:09

Yes, we scored 84 and it was against the wizards. The Washington Wizard. I think in Washington. In DC.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:21

Oh my I know that Billy.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:28

But you swing off. I went too.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:33

84 points. Our nation's capital. And right after Black History month.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:42

And I know you see me with this shit. And I know you see me with okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:56

Thank y'all for tuning in.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:00

At our pod app. It was a pleasure having you.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:10

You'll never see me again.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:12

They won't hate you. I'm be like, yeah, so um, I'm not gonna upload that. I just want you to know. I just wanted to talk. I just wanted to talk to you. I just wanted to have a chat. Never gonna upload that.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:28

This podcast actually doesn't exist at all.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:31

At all.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:32

I'm trying to find, I'm trying to find her on Instagram, and it's nowhere to be found.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:36

And like you never see me like you're like, wait, I promise you. And Aaron's like, wait, like, what about the episode you were trying to do? Like, yeah, so she just doesn't exist.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:53

No, she's gonna be like, um, so what yeah, like how are we um uh yeah, no, honestly.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:02

I I love these conversations because I can just look back and be like, yeah, it's a wild time, but I can tell my children, I I've been there before. You're not ahead of me. But I so appreciate you. I'm looking forward to the wedding.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:28

Hello!

SPEAKER_07 1:25:32

I think it's like a little over I don't know how many days. This is coming in alone. We're making it happen, friend. We're making it happen.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:41

Making it happen, and I'm super duper proud of you guys. Please tell Erin hello for me, and hopefully I meet her soon. Um, hopefully I see you again after six years, seven. Seven years of our on and off friendship. I do classify you as a friend, so I'm so appreciative. Thank you so much for being on here, and you will be on again. So thank you guys for tuning in. Um, like, share, subscribe, comment if you haven't already. This is our time. Um, and you guys just be safe.