Down for the Community w/ Ivana!!

Ivana and I discuss the need for community during a difficult time and the challenges of taking on the cookout invites as the new adults. What are your thoughts?

Follow and support my lovely girlie Ivana on her platforms!

@sun.ivana & @ivana.mchll

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Transcript

SPEAKER_06 0:01

Okay. Hello all. Welcome to Black Girl in the World. If you don't know me, you will. And if you do, welcome back. I'm a podcaster, and this is the show. The show I hope you enjoy listening to. This week, we have another guest. I'm super duper excited. Um, my girl, my good gal, um, Ivana. We've been friends for a very long time. It's been a few years now. And she is super duper awesome. Um, I've known her since I was a child, basically.

SPEAKER_00 0:42

That's overall.

SPEAKER_05 0:43

Yes. Literally. And um, Ivana, welcome, welcome.

SPEAKER_03 0:49

Thank you so much. Thank you. You're so cool. Thank you for having me here. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 0:54

You are so cool. You're doing great things.

SPEAKER_03 0:58

You're doing great things. Oh my god, thank you.

SPEAKER_06 1:03

So we have something to talk about today. And it's something very, very community-oriented. Um essentially, the topic that we agreed on is um supporting the girls, aka supporting the community.

SPEAKER_02 1:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:24

Yeah. And was there like a specific reason for why you felt like this was like a necessary topic?

SPEAKER_03 1:36

Um, I feel like I guess now things just feel really scary. It's always been a little bit scary, but right now it just seems a lot scarier. And everyone's kind of like being to themselves, and I feel like everyone feels a little bit isolated. I don't think that's just me. Like, I feel like that's a common thing around. So I thought it was just starting like this year, and like I guess a little bit from like last year to like reach out to people and try to like gather people together.

SPEAKER_06 2:11

That makes sense. I definitely agree with that, especially since I believe that now we are um we're the new adults, and it is very interesting how we I felt suddenly became the adults. And so before, you know, how you used to like, well, I I remember for me in my family, we would kind of just randomly get invited to like cookouts and kickbacks and birthday parties and all that good jazz. And we were like the kids where we just had to worry about, oh, like there's food, you know, if you want to go and get some food and sit there and play with the kids that were already at the party. Um now we have to be the people who plan the party. Like that is such a crazy, like I it's not as crazy now, but I think that growing up and realizing that like I've become the young adult getting older and more like seasoned. I'm like, oh, why I'm the one inviting the kids, the inviting the adults and their children to the party.

SPEAKER_03 3:23

It's like it's crazy. Makes sense. Like, like what you said before, like you would just show up and it was like a family function. It would it would just be like you and like your cousins or some neighborhood kids or whatever, and you would just be there, but like I think back then again, like how you said you're just a child, like you just think things just come up, but now it's like wow, maybe what they did actually required planning, and now we have to do it too.

SPEAKER_06 3:53

Right, exactly. And um, I think that it's you know super interesting now because with social media, we're able to kind of broaden activity scope a bit where we're doing so many different things. Like recently, you did you um kind of hosted like a paint and sit, and I thought that that was so freaking cool. How is that?

SPEAKER_03 4:20

Uh the first I think I had like a few days. See, okay, so maybe it didn't go as expected, right? Um, and I understand. Uh I planned it out, but I think like I also reached out to other people after and mean like, okay, like what can I do to improve next time? Because uh I had like I guess like uh it was like I think 13 or 14 people in like that group chat that happened in Instagram, like you were in it too, and it was like a lot of people, and I understand like if things come up, you know, life is life. I'm not gonna blame someone for not coming for like to a paint and sip that's like for the public, and that's okay, but like in total, literally, it was just like my sister, her boyfriend, and like my neighbor out of a group of like 13, 14 people that were supposed to come, so it's not necessarily on them, like things do happen, right? And I also can't blame them because things happen to me all the time, and I can't do this stuff, so it's like maybe I was like, I should like I spoke to other people, and they were like, Okay, well, maybe some people felt really shy because there are some people in there that I've never like I've spoken to, but I already know they're shy, so it was already kind of like maybe they won't come out at all, or some people they just can't come and it happens, or maybe it was too far out in advan in advance because it was like a month ahead, and more people came to like the smaller happy hour I did randomly, so maybe it was like I would have to consider more things doing that maybe like next month.

SPEAKER_06 5:57

Yeah, that's actually really smart, and um, I gotta say, I am so sorry.

SPEAKER_05 6:02

I don't know exactly what happens for me not to thumb, but um, I was like, I'm so excited, I can't wait. And something came up, and I was like, oh, I hate that for me.

SPEAKER_02 6:15

But it happened, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 6:18

Exactly. And I mean, I think that you having this perspective as well is really helpful because if it was like, you know, like the opposite, where you're like, I don't get why people wouldn't show up. You already told me you'd come, and now you're telling me you won't, what's going on? Like, kind of like you know, having more of a judgmental perspective, which um is also understandable as well, because you look forward to something, and when people can't show up, it's like disappointing. But like it's also having grace for others to know that everyone who says they will come is not always a guarantee because things come up so quickly. And I think especially since like we were having the conversation um before you know, like setting up this um episode and everything, how we were talking about sometimes even planning things in the weekday, and then it's like it doesn't go as planned.

SPEAKER_03 7:20

No, but it makes sense. Like, I can't like I don't know why I feel like maybe again because like we were like smaller, but I feel like I mean again, it's from a perspective of me being a child, but I feel like things were just a little bit slower, like back then, like when we were kids, like maybe things took time, like you can't like things were a little bit planned out, even if it was like far ahead and things like that. But here, like people have like multiple jobs, like money is like an issue, things are always an issue, so I feel like everything's going so fast. Like, I can't feel like bad or any type of like resentment or something for like people just not showing up. Like, that's not fair to them. I can't like I'm not a perfect person in the beginning. I was like, yo, what's going on?

SPEAKER_02 8:05

Like, maybe my phone died.

SPEAKER_05 8:07

Like, where are the people?

SPEAKER_03 8:13

Literally, literally. But I was like, I was like initially, I was upset because there were some people who didn't respond at all. But like, I also have to understand that like community is not perfect as well. Like, people at the end of the day are also people, everyone has their own stuff. Like, maybe they just didn't say anything, they didn't say anything, like it's fine. Like, I'm not gonna like I don't know, like shoe you away because you just didn't like reply back or something. I don't know, maybe you're just a bad text or like there's a bunch of other reasons, but you initially wanted to come, and that's why you clicked yes, and that's why you were in the group chat. Like things maybe just have to change, but that's just what yeah.

SPEAKER_06 8:51

See, I definitely agree with you because it's like if we're asking for you know more community, you know, events, if we're asking for more socialization with friends and things of that nature, I think that one or two things have to happen. Um, on the end of um somebody who says that they're gonna be there but doesn't necessarily like communicate, I guess like just addressing the situation to say, hey, I thought I was gonna be able to make it, um, but I can't make it anymore. I truly do apologize. And then um the person who is hosting these things looking forward to these people, and they don't show up or they, you know, like end up disappointing them with not saying anything, and it's like they're maybe needs to be like some more like grace in terms of like, hey, you know, this is probably not anything personal, but I do agree with you, it definitely did feel like a simpler time back then, and I think for me, I see it as there is a lot of things that we can do, which is a good thing, but it can also be very overwhelming because it's like before it was like a kickback, maybe a sports game or something, or like somebody's birthday or a graduation, but now it's like we got a paint and sip, you can make your own perfume, you could go to the shooting range, you could go do puppies and yoga, girl.

SPEAKER_05 10:25

Crazy, and I want to do a full fact, you can literally like have drinks and ball at the same time, like what there's so many things, and like I'm not knocking it because like that should give that should be the initiative for more people to come out and do something, but maybe people also feel very overwhelmed because it's like there's so many things happening.

SPEAKER_07 10:56

I think, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:59

I literally get it, I literally get it. Like there is a lot to do, but I feel like um, like a big issue, like me trying to do this the way like I was supposed to make it a moment and I did not, but I was like, I'm also like burnt out, but like that is a different that's for later on in this discussion. But I think one of the big reasons on things being planned, like you mentioned, like the kickback or graduation, a lot of those things, like yeah, they're like hosted and stuff, and it requires some amount of money, but it's not like okay, you do a payment sip. Let's say I didn't have that freaking like that little coupon I had, it would have been like$50 each. Like, I also be mindful of like things are costly, things are expensive. Me going to the grocery stores like it's like$40 to buy something, like, and that's the same price as the ticket for the payment sip. Like, I understand things are super expensive. Like, I was looking at like maybe a next event. Um, like I know in like Frederick and some other farms they have like cow petting or like cow therapy, but it's like$75 per person. And I'm like, whoa, that's a lot.

SPEAKER_06 12:02

That is a lot, that is a lot, and I wonder like what is like what is incorporated in the$75?

SPEAKER_03 12:15

I think I think for it, some of them are different, some some of them are like$50, but I think for the one that I was looking into, um, like you're laying there with the cow for like an hour with like a bunch of cows. You could pet them, you can like lay down with them, like you can sleep with them. I don't know if that's worth$75 though.

SPEAKER_05 12:33

Like, dang, uh like have something to eat.

SPEAKER_01 12:39

Like, are we using that cow for like a hamburger?

SPEAKER_07 12:42

Man, where's my birthday? Why is crazy not you sleeping with your food?

SPEAKER_01 12:54

Don't be saying that now, chicho.

SPEAKER_05 12:57

Crazy.

SPEAKER_01 13:00

You're so funny.

SPEAKER_06 13:02

But no, like you're right. I I truly enjoy like being out, especially being out with you. It's like so fun. I remember um like I've been seeing a lot of like throw social events lately, and I can't stop thinking about when we went, like me, you, Yusuf, um, Anna, and it was just like super duper fun to like just be out, maybe get a couple of drinks, walk around, take pictures. It was a vibe.

SPEAKER_03 13:35

Yeah, actually, yeah, you're right. Like it's like nothing was planned, but it's like we were just together. You're absolutely right. Right.

SPEAKER_06 13:42

And it just felt great. And when you have like those moments where it's very impromptu, you have like the rest of your day, it feels really, really good. Like not thinking about it. And I think that that might also be what um hurts people from joining the community and doing things and doing really fun things is that maybe we think too long and too hard about it. Like sometimes planning it might make you feel like, uh, I don't, I don't know if I really want to go. Like I have to put thought into it, or you know, um, it's just like a lot to think about because you might have overbooked yourself, but it's just kind of like it's either you can go or you not go.

SPEAKER_03 14:29

That's twist. You're so right. You're so it's like, like, yeah, exactly what you said. Like before you could just like walk around, you don't know what to do. You have that open space, but I feel like because like that was that was like college, and now everyone has jobs, and even besides outside the jobs, you have other responsibilities, you have things to do. Um like I don't know how this big shift happened in everyone's lives, but it's like now it's like I need to like I'm not a nap person, and I've taken like so many naps throughout this week, like everything's so tiring because you constantly have something to do. Yeah, so it's hard to find time to even spend with those people.

SPEAKER_06 15:06

It it truly is like it makes you feel like you have to carve out that time to make sure that everyone is um feeling like hey, like she's still around, you know, like she hasn't forgotten me. Um and that can also feel a little draining too, because it's like you got your friends, you got your family, you got your maybe your mom's side, your dad's side, you got your like your college friends, your middle school friends, your friends from work.

SPEAKER_00 15:37

Like it's yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:41

No, that's true, but it's like I think a tiny part that's not good. I guess like I think on me, but I mean maybe other people also relate to it. It's like or like everyone relates to it that I don't I don't want to feel like I'm excluding someone out of my life. Like just because I don't see you does not mean you're not important. Like that's why constantly I'm on my phone or I'm always texting because like I want to. If I don't see you, I still want to catch up with you in any type of way. Like it does not mean anyone is less important, but it's like I really try to like I really try, but then it's like you said all these people, right? You said, like, okay, your mom's side, your dad's side, your friends, like work friends, middle school friends, all those people. And I have tried to do that, but at the end of the day, I also gotta put myself in there because I'm breaking down. Like I'm breaking my like literally, because I think I tried like we're what we're March, like nearing end of March, and like my body, I think last week was like physically like shutting down. Like I was having like a hard time breathing. I like I overslept or I couldn't sleep. Like, I'm like, I'm either like eating a lot at certain times or not eating at all. Like this was like right now, that's why it's like I haven't booked or scheduled or done anything like that. Cause it's like I need to like I need to calm down because it's like I feel like I want to use every pocket of time for something like for people, but it's just not possible.

SPEAKER_06 17:10

Yeah, that's um definitely it's it's so interesting how this situation of supporting our community where it's like engaging in our community more so um has like really good sides of it, and then as well as like identifying how it can be very stressful, like I've even found myself not really wanting to make more friends because I feel you yo, I don't need no more people on my list, like I don't know. I get it, I get it because you're right, and I'm so sorry that you went through that.

SPEAKER_03 17:54

Truly, I am no, thank you, but like see you brought it like I get what you're saying, and like it we need like the higher brains up in here because it's not like you don't want to meet people, but it's like you're overextending yourself now, so it's like how do you keep up with this friendship? And it's like you don't even have to like keep up with it to know like that you're okay, but I feel like other people don't realize that, but like, yeah, because it's like okay, I don't see like let's say like you or like Anna for like a while, but it's like as soon as I see you guys, immediately like things start like I start talking really fast, like I'm seeing you, I'm telling you everything, but other people may not get that, so that is a big fear, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 18:37

Yeah, I I definitely understand everyone's like super duper different when it comes on to how they even perhaps like view our friendships, right? Because if you make someone feel very special and like they don't have like the same issue as you, where you have so many things to do, so many like people to see, so many like engagements, um, and they feel like wow, like she makes me feel so special. Um, and you might not necessarily see that person as close as you see them.

SPEAKER_05 19:17

So it's like I'm so sorry, I can't hang with you right now, and then they're just kind of like, um, and that allowed to be in your coping mechanism right now.

SPEAKER_07 19:33

I don't like, you know what?

SPEAKER_03 19:34

I don't think I should hang out with anyone say that's so real, but you're absolutely right. Like, I feel like I no, I literally get it, but it's like that's when I don't want to like sound mean and say, like, it's like obviously you are a good friend, that's why you're there, even if like you're not that close.

unknown 19:55

Maria.

SPEAKER_03 19:56

But I feel like always like a conversation or something like that can help out. I don't know, like also taking the time to realize, like, to step back and be like, if you're in that side of like, oh, maybe they don't see me the same way I see them, like at the end of the day, everyone is dealing with their own problems. It's not even like a people thing, but people have so much on their plate, and maybe you just don't know. Yeah, maybe you just don't know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 20:19

That's that's actually very true. Like, I remember um having a conversation with my aunt, and she essentially, I think she's like, she called me or something, and I was like, Oh, I'm so sorry, like I was busy, whether it be like taking a shower or something like that. And she did bring up a good point of how antsy, like our quote unquote like technological ages, where before it was just kind of like, hey, you know, what did you need? Or like, how is everything? Like, there wasn't an apology, and I think, like, why are you sorry that you took a shower and that you weren't able to talk to me on the phone?

SPEAKER_07 20:58

Oh, that's true. I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 21:03

I mean, I'm just sorry I couldn't pick up the phone, but it's like if you were busy, why are you sorry?

SPEAKER_03 21:10

Oh, wait, that's so real. Actually, yeah, because then we just be apologizing for everything.

SPEAKER_06 21:15

I know. It's it's actually it's it's so freaking crazy when you put it into a perspective of like, oh I I don't know what to say next.

SPEAKER_00 21:26

No, right, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 21:31

I don't know, like it's just it's so interesting, like how we like view like that, how we view how potentially taxing it can be with um supporting the community in a way of going out, having events, and being amongst the people we care about.

SPEAKER_03 21:55

Right. No, you're honestly, yeah, you're you're right. I feel like if you feel like again, like I don't know, the other person and the other side that may look at you as a good friend, maybe you don't look at them back like that. Um what was I gonna say? Like there's like so many I guess the good thing about now is like there is like a lot of like events in general now because you know like the power of the internet and social media, like you can literally see like oh like what's happening in DC this weekend or in Maryland or in Virginia, and like a lot of the time, like that's just in general a good place to meet people. Like it doesn't have to be like whatever like bar you go to or whatever dive bar or restaurant you go to, you can actually actively go to these places, and other people like there's a bunch of coffee shops that have like book clubs, there's a bunch of coffee shops that have like run clubs. I didn't even know that was a thing until recently.

SPEAKER_06 22:58

I was like, okay, yeah, I've been hearing a lot of people do it. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:03

See, okay, so there's like there's no reason, like maybe it's because I'm talking to you now, but it's like okay, like I'm making this like community thing, and like in the beginning, I did want to like reach out to like just a bunch of other people, like everyone, but like you're right, like talking to you, it's like maybe I should just focus on the people I already have, like why overextend myself instead of just focusing on the people I like that are already around my circle to get them together, right? Which is yeah, like which is what I could possibly like that's what I can manage, which is true.

SPEAKER_06 23:38

That's really smart, and um, I'm like super curious as to with you starting this wanting to kind of like not necessarily expand your network, but do things with your network, like going to the paint and sip, or like going to these different events that you've seen and creating these groups, like what prompted you to even like feel that way or do it?

SPEAKER_03 24:04

Um, I think uh I it was like last year, I think that I liked doing like these like um like party events and stuff and like making like activities. I like the fact that I was not aware that like friends of friends also knew about it. Like like unfortunately, like I didn't I didn't know them, so they weren't invited, but it's like the idea that they wanted to do something similar, like people yearn to be with other people, but it's like they want to be in like a safe space. Now, I can't always be hosting parties because that's like where I live and I'm scared of like, yeah, like hello, right? It would only be for like my like actual friends, but it's like if anyone else wants to go out, it would be in like public spaces. But another big reason was uh I have it here. It's the skills and the skills that you could offer to other people. Essentially, like, okay, I know me like I code, maybe I can make you like a website, but you could use wigs, like that helps oh what? No, I mean, like, yeah, like I meant like let's say I did want to do something like okay, I know like things are hard out there, maybe you need like a headshot. I did want to do like a very small event where it's like I would just give out like free headshots to like you know, like my friends or people around me, so it's like everyone has like a skill that maybe like yeah, it could be somewhat of an inconvenience, but it could be really helpful to other people, so you're kind of like volunteering yourself out. That's essentially where I want to get at with posting this stuff. So it's like, oh, other people like have like uh actual like trades they could use, and like they can't all be free because you know it's like hard labor for some of them, but it's like it could be at a discount, or you can understand where this person is coming from, and maybe you could do some type of trade because people used to do that before, and now like feel like we all gotta upper skills on something we can all pick up to learn something, and it doesn't always have to be money, but yeah.

SPEAKER_06 26:17

I I love that you um are prompting yourself to do this because even like recently you've kind of made me want to learn a new skill because um I heard that you were like taking I think like classes and stuff for different things, and I was like, oh my gosh, I I want to do that too. Like, I want to learn how to swim.

SPEAKER_01 26:43

Don't be putting me on blast ever no, you guys, I feel like fish.

SPEAKER_07 26:47

I feel like well, that's why I said glasses. I wasn't gonna say anything, but I want to learn how to swim.

SPEAKER_03 26:56

No, but I can get like literally, no, but it's so true because it's like I don't know, like like we're the age that we are now. Like, I feel like time has gone by so fast. So it's like if you're not gonna do that now, then when? So it's like you also yourself have to push yourself, but yeah, like you're right, like why not try something like freaky and new?

SPEAKER_06 27:19

Right. Exactly. Well I like it, I love it a lot. I think that um that's definitely something that I would talk to with like some of my friends in terms of how can we get the community together? Like, how can we put together like an event where maybe somebody's giving out more affordable tattoos or like um uh getting like a like network of like photographers, models, artists, and stuff like that, and playing games and trying to like set the tone for like a DC meet or DMV meet kind of thing. And I have to say that the ideas of those things are great, but like actually putting it into practice takes a lot of effort. Um this draining, like, and I've I only did it maybe once or twice, but just realizing how draining it can. I'm I'll I'll correct myself when I say this. It can be draining, but your drive has to like override that feeling because it can be very, very simple, but if you make it complicated, it will definitely be complicated.

SPEAKER_03 28:38

Wait, I like I love how you put that. That's very true, honestly. Yeah, yeah, because you could make it like a bunch of like little like bits and pieces and try to make it like fancy, but it's like maybe that's just too much. Maybe you just need to sit or be somewhere with people, right?

SPEAKER_06 28:54

Yeah, because I mean, like if you're talking about, oh, I gotta get me a venue, I gotta figure out like how much it is for catering and stuff like that, like we don't we shouldn't have to make it that hard. Get you a park, front set, you know what I mean? Canvas free, like make you a flyer, post it, and you know, let it be what it is. But when we think so hard, I think it's like similar to you know, preparing yourself to go to an event, and then when the time comes, you're kind of like, uh, I don't know if I even want to go now, rather than it being like uh impromptu kind of thing, and you just say, Hey, I'm just gonna go. You know, I'm gonna just do this thing. Um yeah, so I like that. I really can get with that, and I'm so happy that you are doing what you're doing in terms of just getting different ideas and sharing your resources with other people. More people need to know that.

SPEAKER_03 30:01

Oh my god, thank you. Okay, more people need to know, especially me, because I didn't ask you yet that you will because I did. I'm so curious. Like, how did it go with the item drive that you did for like homeless women? Like you were collecting items.

SPEAKER_06 30:16

So, um, I can't, I gotta say, I can't take the credit. I um thought that um at the time, so I was um having like this whole transitional period with like my job and stuff like that. And um at that same time I felt like I couldn't take on the responsibility of what my friend wanted to do with her drive. So I even just kind of like donated um some monetary funds so I can help out in that regard. But apparently they, you know, set up all of like the book bags and stuff to put everything in. And I was just really, really happy to see that you know, as a community, we can come together and put something together and actually like check up on her in regards to that and see if she's going to do another one because that was really, really awesome. I hope it worked out.

SPEAKER_03 31:21

Oh, okay. Yeah, like I think you like reposted like how many like like the items that were collected. It was a lot, it was a lot.

SPEAKER_06 31:29

It was a lot, and I love that. And I think like the best thing about like doing that is also knowing what people who are unhoused want. Um, because I think that sometimes I I've I've noticed that like when some people like want to donate or like do certain stuff, they don't always ask the people that need it like what they need. We might just always assume, like, okay, well, obviously they need this, they need that, but like you wouldn't even begin to believe the simplest of things, like, hey, like this person might need some socks, they might need like a blanket, they might need um so many different things that you probably would never even realize because maybe the things they want are more on the basic level that we don't always think about. Um, so I think that my friend had asked the like shelter what type of resources they they needed, um, and then went off of there.

SPEAKER_00 32:34

Oh, okay. Oh, that's really good. I know. That's really smart. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 32:39

It is. And I hope she like continues it. I'm gonna like check and see if they're um gonna do another one. And if they are, I'm gonna just if you're like interested and wanna um you know, donate and stuff, or if you even want to do your own too, I I'm willing to support as well.

SPEAKER_03 33:02

All right, thank you, but I feel like your friend did in the same job. If she can make another one, because uh that also requires like mental power, like just like you said, but it's like knowing where to go, what to do, how to like where to place all these items together, how to package it, like that takes like team effort for real.

SPEAKER_06 33:20

Definitely does 100%. So I'm happy she didn't do it alone. Um, because that can definitely be like taxing on you to be like, okay, let's put all these things together. It's a lot. That's that's a lot, despite um the cause, it can it can be a pretty big like task. So I'm really, really happy for that. So um there are like also um our ideas of being you know fairly young professionals because we aren't getting up there, but like that's kind of crazy how we're getting older.

SPEAKER_05 34:04

Um, let's stop.

SPEAKER_04 34:07

Wait, honestly.

SPEAKER_05 34:09

Like, who has let let us know?

SPEAKER_06 34:11

Let's just freeze time a bit. But with us being like young professionals, I've realized that there is another thing of um the weekend activities and not necessarily um going out right after work. Um, how do you kind of feel about that in terms of going out every weekend or having fun on a weekday?

SPEAKER_03 34:41

Um, so going back to what I told you before that you opened up my third eye when you said that and it's a message. You did, you did, you did. I was like, what the heck? You're right. Like, in my brain, like I've heard this before, but if coming from like an actual like friend, I was like, you know what? Wait, she's right. Like, it's not just some random internet person, she's absolutely right. And I was like, you need to go to a bar on Thursday, oh blah blah. And then after that, her people being like, you could have started do going out on a Thursday, so your weekend feels longer. But it's like you're just it's not like your weekend feels longer, you're just actually actively using your time, like you're doing something with it. So of course everything feels longer. Um, but I feel like it's good to do things on weekdays. I know like sometimes we get tired, and I know people have like this, like I mean, I know I used to have this thing where it's like, okay, I go to work, and after the work, I also want to be like efficient and go to like the gym, but then after me getting ready, going to the gym, taking a shower, trying to get ready for bed for the next day, prepping my food, it's already like 11. Like, I don't, like, I don't mind right. So I honestly like hate to say it, hate the gym rats, respect, respect to them, but I can never do it. I cannot, like, I'm an activity person. Like, if you want to do like yoga or something, or you want to do like a hit workout, I'm there, but I'm not lifting no weights, okay. But I mean, doing that every single day and like calling it productive, I just feel like that's not it mentally. Like, I was so exhausted and it was so draining. So doing fun things during the weekdays is it, like, it could be the smallest thing, like walking like around the park or something, or I don't know, taste testing something, going to like a happy hour. And when people say happy hour, they always assume it's drinking. People have happy hour like meal deals, like that's where it's that's what I'm saying. The cheesecake factor, you guys. Like eight dollars for appetizer. Like, please, I'm so serious. Like, you can get your little wine there too, but you could get they have they have appetizers, and I'm about to hit that up whenever I feel better. Like, hello. But it's like things on the weekdays, I think, are good as long as you're not like draining yourself. Like, I know I took it too far, like booking every single thing on the weekday, and then like even on the weekends, I don't want to like waste my time, so that was too much. But I'm saying, like, just going out of your way to do something, and it can be so small, like just going out and visiting like a friend, or like it doesn't even have to be like money or buying related, and then on the weekends, like you can still do what you do. I guess I think I was just speaking on the yeah, on the weekdays, like try to do something like out of your comfort zone, or like just something like that could add on to your life. I think is good. I'm telling you, you put me on, like, this was you, this is all you I cannot with you.

SPEAKER_06 37:49

I literally chat.

SPEAKER_05 37:51

I don't know when she made me say this. Just kidding.

SPEAKER_03 37:55

You said it in a voice memo in the chat. Maybe, maybe no one was listening to that, but I did. I stood up.

SPEAKER_07 38:01

But I'm tuned in.

SPEAKER_01 38:04

Yes, ma'am. Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 38:07

I think like we were, yeah, we definitely were having like that conversation because like we realized, like, okay, we can't always like plan for the weekend solely because that's just gonna be really draining for us. Like, that sometimes is our time to rest. Like, if we're talking about always being like out and about on the weekends, when do you really get the time to like fully like rest? And um, I think you're absolutely right. I think that uh regarding um hanging out after work is like balance. You have to be balanced because if you're gonna keep doing that every single day, you're gonna feel draining. You're not gonna want to wake up to go to work, and you have to wake up to go to work. So you're gonna feel like oh, this sucks. But I don't mind like that one day where it's like, uh, I'm feeling groggy because I was out all night yesterday. That's like that's like a life of a young person, you know. But you can't have that every single day where you're out clubbing every night.

SPEAKER_01 39:28

Like, that's just surprised other people would do it.

SPEAKER_06 39:31

I know. I don't know how people do it. I don't get it. Like, you're just up and ready to go like that.

SPEAKER_03 39:41

Oh man, like that is crazy. But like you're right. Like, I know, I mean, shoot, maybe what you said is right. Maybe we are getting older because it's like, yeah, like okay, happy hour we go out, or maybe like we go out to dinner. Like, I think when I was like what 20, 21, 22, like it's fine. Like, if you give me a couple of drinks, I'll be free. It's okay if I'm like hunger, it's whatever. Yeah, but if you do the I'm calling off tomorrow, like this is not it.

SPEAKER_04 40:08

Like, that's just no exactly.

SPEAKER_02 40:18

I can't do that. No ma'am, no girl.

SPEAKER_05 40:21

The way how after a vacation you want an just relax?

SPEAKER_03 40:29

Yes, no way. Why are you speaking so loud right now? Yes, I literally paying all my vacations like that. I remember like Omari, like my boyfriend told me, it was like, yeah, like because my mom was maybe it's because she's an immigrant mother and she wants to maximize her vacation. Like, we would literally come back on like a Sunday, and like the very next like Sunday at like 11 p.m. And then the next day you just have to go to work. I can never do that. I can never, I can never. Sorry.

SPEAKER_06 41:03

I literally remember I tried doing that because I went to Vegas and then um I did the whole quote unquote maximizing my time because I had work in the afternoon, so I felt like okay, well, I'll I'll have the morning and a hint of the afternoon to sleep because my shift started at three, and now mind you, I'm from Vegas, so it's like a completely different time zone. And I come back here and I felt so bad, like I felt the worst. I don't know what it was like. I just felt like I felt like my mind was kind of like I don't know if it was like hazy or what, like I just felt very drowsy, but like not a regular type of tire, but like you need to lay down, like you should not be at work.

SPEAKER_00 42:00

Oh no, I know it was kind of crazy. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_06 42:06

Uh I don't I don't know what it was, but I feel like if I had that one day, relax, I would have been fine.

SPEAKER_03 42:17

Yeah, no, we need that wake-up call. Like, I remember I tried doing that too, and I was like, that's the last time. I can never do that again. I can't do it.

SPEAKER_06 42:25

I can't you said no, thank you. Why? And you're right. Listen, immigrant parents, they love doing that whole well, let's just stay for extra, let's just let's just extend our time here. Mm-mm. Take me home.

SPEAKER_00 42:43

Yeah. You're right, you're right.

SPEAKER_06 42:51

But I think that like the the main thing like to take away from all of this is you gotta have a little bit of balance. I mean, we're getting to an age or we are already at the age where it's like we have to care for ourselves regardless of the situation, and we shouldn't necessarily wait on the weekend or wait on a particular time. Do the fun thing right now. You don't have to do it every single day, but do the fun thing. Like, if you know that there is like a free, I don't know, like a free museum like event, go. You know what I mean? Like it's not something you have to do every single day. And and you're so right. Happy hour is not always about the drinks, they usually emphasize the food as well. It's half off for a reason.

SPEAKER_03 43:52

Exactly. No, honestly, yeah, like sometimes you could just like I do go out of my way, at least on like three days. It's like, yeah, everything is about community, but it's also like mostly about like I don't you said earlier, I don't necessarily like I don't need a new friend, but I still want to get to know people. So sometimes I literally just go to these bars and I'm talking to like random people, and I'm like, oh okay, like you're a lawyer, like in like France. Like, wow, like that's why are you here, man? That's so crazy. And you're at the cheesecake factory, like, mind you.

SPEAKER_05 44:28

Okay, everything happens at the cheesecake factory.

SPEAKER_03 44:32

Exactly. That's what I'm saying. But it's like, okay, you just go out there and meet people. That is also a part of you knowing the community, like literally directly around you. Like, that is one person that is here right now. That you never know.

SPEAKER_06 44:47

Yeah, you are right. And if you just stay kind of stuck in your house, if you stay not wanting to do anything, I think that's also the thing, too. Like, don't not go out and don't also go out all the time. Like, you shouldn't just think that my life is going to work, going home, going to the gym, and then let it be like repetitive for you. Like, I think that it's great to have a schedule, but sometimes there's nothing wrong with breaking it every once in a while just to see a friend or two, you know.

SPEAKER_00 45:21

Exactly. That's true. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 45:25

So I think for me, I definitely agree with you in terms of like the gym bros. I wish I was a gym bro before. I really do. I would have I would love to just think like, oh, gym is life for me. Like, I have a headache and I don't care because I'm going into that gym. Like, that is so crazy.

SPEAKER_03 45:51

That is so true. That is so true. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_06 45:54

So, but I do, I agree with you. I do enjoy like classes and stuff like that. Please take me to a Zumba class. I would love that.

SPEAKER_03 46:04

I'm so no wait, I might take you up on that because if I get like a membership to like the pole dancing I'm doing, I have like one free friend I could bring, and I will bring you if you are out for it.

SPEAKER_06 46:16

I would love that very much.

SPEAKER_02 46:20

Okay, if I end up like buying it, I will send you one.

SPEAKER_06 46:24

Please, I would love to.

SPEAKER_03 46:29

Okay. I want to have strong arms. Yeah. No, because it's like not me being like, like, unfortunately, I was one of those people being like, oh my god, it's gonna be so cool, and I'm gonna feel so pretty. No, these these women, these teachers have muscles.

unknown 46:45

I know.

SPEAKER_03 46:46

I look like Sun Job up in there. It's real bad. It's real bad. Like, I'm just flinging around. So yeah, like the upper body, like I need to start working that out because like that's crazy. Like, women are powerful, because dang, yeah, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_06 47:03

Extremely powerful. I was like, how are y'all doing? Oh like, whoa, this is this technique, this is stress.

SPEAKER_01 47:13

It's crazy. I was like, dang, oh wow, right?

SPEAKER_06 47:17

It's like, yeah, this is a little sexy, but wow, this is actually graceful too.

SPEAKER_00 47:24

Like, how are how are you guys doing that?

SPEAKER_06 47:28

This is so that's the real question. How? I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 47:33

We're doing this.

SPEAKER_06 47:34

So, what do you want if if you could like have someone who is struggling and can't necessarily come out of that? Um, every day I have to work, work, work, work, work, and not have enough time to just be amongst their family and their friends and enjoy that. What would you tell that person?

SPEAKER_03 47:57

Or I guess what would you say maybe to your earlier self before um you started um trying to like be out there and do more things uh for the time, like if people are like working too much or things are just happening and they just can't make time, I feel like we are in this day and age now where yeah, maybe you can't come out, but I know like a lot of people have like they just text or like you FaceTime, and even things like that can help you. Like, that is still in your community. People were like years ago, we used to like write letters and stuff, and that would arrive like months later, but we don't have to do that, right? Exactly. Like we could just like FaceTime, you can you can watch movies together, like unfortunately, like COVID happened, but because of COVID, a lot of like herring or like dual things like online were happening, like oh, like watching Netflix or like playing video games or like doing things online together, like that was possible a lot more now. So I would utilize that if I didn't have like time or if I just had work, or you know, if it's too late or too early to be with someone. But if someone is like I guess like shy or they can't necessarily come out one second, oh my god, one second, please. I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_07 49:28

Hello, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 49:33

My bad. Um thank you.

SPEAKER_03 49:38

So like for so for like I guess if you don't, if you are shy and if you can't come out of like the bubble that you're in, I used to be the same way too, but it's like there's gotta be a point where you realize that's where I would be like literally nothing matters. Like, I don't want to look back like okay, I'm 26 now. I don't want to say I'm 36 and I'm like shy to meet people. Maybe that's just me like badgering myself or like loving myself and to like try new things, but I just don't I want to have these experiences, I don't like stay in the same place. I also like seeing other people being like so confident and like you could just walk up to people and start talking to them, and I learned a lot by that. So I try like one of my own like tiny challenges is to like speak to someone new at work like once a week. So now I've met like a bunch of people that if if it was me last year, I would just go to work and I would go home. I mean, I still go to work and go home. I don't want to be at work, but I now talk to new people and like I get to know about them and their lives. And it's like, you know, at the end of the day, all people, even if they look like they don't want to communicate, like everyone wants to have some type of connection. So it's like that forces you or whoever to like cry a little bit more.

SPEAKER_06 51:03

I like that. I really and truly do, especially, you know, really channeling how it was then, how it is now, and just you know, looking at the brighter side of things and thinking, hey, like I can make good out of this um situation. So I love that. Wow.

SPEAKER_02 51:22

Thank you.

SPEAKER_06 51:24

Of course, of course. So I am I'm loving this conversation. Um, I think that for me, I would say that one thing, um especially in terms of um probably oh the example I would say is when you are doing a lot, because I have that issue too, where I will overbook myself still even now, like I've gotten better with it because I've used my calendar to make deciding factors for myself to say, hey, I can make this or hey, I can't make this. Before I used to be like, sure, sure, okay, yeah. And then it gets to the time, and I'm like, uh, super duper sorry. I forgot to tell y'all, I already planned with someone else. Um for people who are struggling with that, I would say the main thing is definitely using your calendar. And maybe one thing that I even also want to incorporate with me, especially talking to you now, is adding myself in the calendar as well. So, like, you know what I mean? Like, I think that we probably need to start doing more of that, like you said, focusing on ourselves, having time for ourselves. I'm gonna put myself on the calendar. If somebody's like, hey, do you have this plan? I'm gonna say, Yeah, sure, but it's probably not gonna be anything, it's just me prioritizing whatever I need to do, or you know, doing what I want to do in that time period.

SPEAKER_03 53:12

You know, so not that you know that's true, yeah. No, honestly, yeah, because like you could have your calendar. I know like I also use it a lot, but then it's like I literally like time block everything, and that isn't good too, because I'm like, okay, from like nine to like 11, I'm meeting this person, and then from 11 to like two, I'm doing this, and then from two to five, and it's like there's no time for me to like sit down. Like, when are you gonna sit down? When are you gonna sit down?

SPEAKER_06 53:39

Yeah, that's that's really um interesting that you uh stated that too, where it's like that back to back scheduling. Um, that that must be you know taxing at times. Oh so I and I get that too. I definitely have felt myself doing that back to back. Like, dang, what am I? A dentist?

SPEAKER_02 54:08

No, but you're right. Like you would do so much, like I don't know how you do it, but like you do it, but like when you I'm still down, right?

SPEAKER_05 54:17

Like, what am I gonna have the time to take a nap?

SPEAKER_06 54:20

Like, literally, today I had like a few things doing, and then I just decided to like nap, and I'm like, I have to get up because I don't want my mom thinking like I'm sick or something.

SPEAKER_01 54:34

I get that, I get that.

SPEAKER_05 54:35

Like, I want to be in bed, I'm tired.

SPEAKER_00 54:40

Literally.

SPEAKER_06 54:43

So I would just say for all the listeners out there who are trying to step out, find things to do, um, to be more active and present in their like relationships, maybe physically. And you're right, you have we have so much technology where it's like you can't say you're not trying, like you can watch Netflix, Hulu, um, a particular anime of a certain like site with your friends. Um you can do like some like activities, games, you can do so many things, but you can't say that like you don't have time for it. Sometimes you have to carve out time. But um and also another thing um to add as well is um finding budgeted because I that that's also another conversation is um the economical status of the world and how expensive it is, and I can't that's true, yeah. It's it's really expensive, but like how do you even like combat that? Like, how do you try to find like the lower cost activities and try to say like hey, like I'm not gonna let the price affect me? Like, how do you navigate that?

SPEAKER_03 56:16

That's really honestly, girl, that that's a big question. Cause like everything just seems too expensive. Like, my god, something as simple as like for yourself, like getting your nails done right now, it's like it's a lot. And before it wasn't that much, yeah, I promise you. Like, that's why it's like, okay, I need to start learning to do my own. Cause I don't even want anything crazy sometimes. Like, I like yeah, everything is I mean, yeah, like I think that's why I'm like, okay, maybe we try to do the happy hour, but the bad thing about that is it's easier to like do the community activities or whatever it is when it's like an actual activity because then people are like more open, they're more open to trying something when they see someone also doing it. But if it's like in a bar setting, it's a little bit more difficult because I'm like, okay, guys, like, what do you want to talk about? And everyone's gonna be shy, and like that makes sense. So it's like it would depend on the people, and like that, I honestly don't know. That seems so hard, it would depend on the set of people you talk to, like what their budget even is.

SPEAKER_06 57:25

Right. I agree with you. I think that um, especially sometimes looking at things now, when I go to like a different location, even like the DMV area, right? And I want to do something new and different. Sometimes I look at Groupon. Um, I look at the like particular deals that they have. Um, because Groupon does have like a lot of things, it could be like massages. I've been seeing um the museum of the Bible lately, like, you know, just like so many different um the spy museum, like just so many different like things that you can do to say, okay, I don't have to go on the actual website to get um this ticket that would be like 60, 70 dollars compared to getting it for 20 or 30 or whatever. Um and we also have TikTok where you know it shows you what are like the free festivals, what are like the free um sites to see, things that are going on in your area. It's it's just it's it's an amazing time, yes, very overwhelming, but it's a real great time to just expand what to do and know that you can do a lot of different things, it doesn't always have to be the same.

SPEAKER_00 58:58

That's so true. Yeah, you're so right.

SPEAKER_03 59:01

Like, I I agree, yeah. That's true. Like, group one, like I know people who forgot about it. It was like a craze when it just came out, and then people just forgot, but it's like it's still there, you guys.

SPEAKER_06 59:11

Like, please, please utilize it before it goes away.

SPEAKER_03 59:16

Honestly, yeah, we we do need to, we do need to.

SPEAKER_05 59:21

That's it's nice. I like it.

SPEAKER_02 59:26

I loved it too.

SPEAKER_06 59:28

Oh my gosh. And is there anything else that you want to tell the people? Any tips, any tricks, any um words of advice pertaining to this topic or really anything at all? Is there anything?

SPEAKER_03 59:42

Uh I think just a very last thing, very random, but maybe not too random. Um, like if there are community events and I feel like you are a man, try to go with another man. Don't be a man by yourself because that's that's just scary looking. Okay, I'm sorry. I know I guess in this day and age, if there's like women around and you see a single man, it's kind of like, but if you see him with a group of friends, maybe it's more like opening and social to be with them. I don't know, because I know it seems scary out there in general, like safety-wise. I always keep that in mind. If you are a man, try to go with other guy friends. That's it, that's the only tip.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:25

I like that. Can I also more men need to be like social? I don't know the statistics or anything, but from my own personal experience, I do think more men should be like involved. I don't know what it would take for them to actually go. Because it's like, even like for instance, like like when you go to like church and they do like singles night or whatever, I have not gone to like a singles night or anything because I'm in a full-blown relationship, but I've noticed that like people have like stated, you know, men aren't there socializing. Even um, like when I went to our uh our school and I was talking to like Mr. Gray and stuff, he was just like, Yeah, like the guys are just not, you know, they're not engaged, they're not engaging, doing like the newspaper or like sports or you know, like things of that nature. Like they're it's very it's a very small percentage. And I was like, oh, they're not, they're not coming out here, like they're not not trying to meet the girls. Like, what's going on?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:43

That's so true. You're so right. You're so right.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:47

Yeah, and I realized that that is um a a very interesting like problem, quote unquote, that people are having when it comes on to like why are why is it 80% of women at our singles night not like a half and half kind of thing or a little bit more than others, but like it's still very evident that it's become a a woman's night.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:16

Oh no, yeah, yeah, I didn't even know that was like an issue, but that makes sense. Like, like I get where you're coming from. That's kind of weird.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:25

Yeah, it is weird. So I like that you said that because it's like if you are um ready to go to a place by yourself, like just try to like get your boy to come, like get your friends, engage them, say, hey, I'm coming to this thing, y'all come through. There's gonna be girls there, you know, some some some type of initiative.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:48

Yes, you know, like if y'all are single, be like, hey, like we're trying to talk to ladies, like come out, y'all.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:58

The ladies are out there, it's not just the supermodels on Instagram, you guys. Like the ladies, the real ones are out there.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:05

The real ones, the real ones are going to talk to you. Come out with me. Yes, oh my gosh, that's so funny.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:15

Oh, but thank you so much for coming. Thank you so much for this topic. I loved it.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:25

I loved it too. Thank you so much for having me. You're so beautiful and special, and I love you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:29

I love you're special as well, girl. Stop.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:36

No, thank you so much.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:38

Of course, but we definitely will have more topics to share and you know, perhaps expand on this one, talk about, you know, other ones that we really feel the listeners need to know. They need to hear this topic.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:56

That's true, that's true.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:59

Thank you everyone for listening to this episode. Thank you for taking the time. Share, subscribe, and comment. Check out the other episodes if you haven't already. All right, y'all. This is our time. Thank you. Stay safe.