Do I Need a Break From Dating?

Taking the time away from dating is okay.

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Music: Candy - Jazzy Lofi Hip Hop Beat by Danya Vodovoz [Royalty Free]
Produced by Danya Vodovoz
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wsiakk1zrr4

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Transcript

Welcome to Black Girl in the World! If you don't know me, you will and if you do, welcome back!

Oh my gosh, hey hey yall! I hope you missed me! I know I would if I was listening to me haha. Anyways, I’m glad to be back and to start making more content because you guys are still listening to my podcast even though I was gone for a while  and I am truly grateful for the love and support. Thank you Thank you and Thank youuu!

I want to talk to you guys about something because I need to clear my chest on some things and I love hearing myself talk so here it goes!!

You saw this title before even clicking on this episode, I'm sure. We are talking about needing a break from dating. I wanted to expand on the conversation because from a couple months ago, I was on twitter making a thread talking about it and then Instagram sharing questions and providing my responses to them. One question in particular is the reason I’m making this episode. The question stated: “what makes you try to keep finding love when men are stupid? It's hard” So here it goes!

Now I don’t fully believe that all men are stupid let me say that. I have met men who just were not using their brain when trying to get with me and that's just the facts. But My response was: To be honest, I remind myself that there are some good guys out there and I’ve met them in my lifetime so it gives me hope. But I need to take a break because I’ve been hurt a lot and it doesn't feel good when someone doesn't want you enough to be their gf but enough to “just see how things go”. That was my response. I had a few reactions back and the majority of them agreed with how I felt because they have experienced or are experiencing the same thing. One of my friends provided her scenario and it resonated with me so much because she laid out what our experiences looked like and it scared me how relatable it was because it happens so often amongst us. Describing getting to know someone that you find physically attractive, talking to them on a deeper level by going out on dates and asking them questions so that you can go below the surface level. Yall talking and talking… the conversations are getting good and it feels like you guys are compatible. You talk to your friends about them because it feels so consistent and you think to yourself that all this time that you guys have and currently are investing couldn't be repeated with someone else cause 24 hours in a day is not long and you are spending a lot of it on me haha. BUT! And yes there is a BUT. That person can see themselves with you but there is a bump in their road that they can not get over to be with you. It could be something they see in themselves and they fear that it will affect you guys long term OR something in you that they are afraid to share because of a negative reaction.

Btw, the latter part matters but not as much because I notice that I tend to blame myself when it is not working the way I want it to. Its scary and it makes you feel vulnerable. 

Now many of you will have your jaws dropped and your eyes teary because I was really going at dating hard like wanting to find a companion and I have always supported others to keep pushing because relationships are nice and I like seeing people in love and doing things with people they love. But it is a hassleeeee and I do mean hassle to do so because I was either not interested or finding people that I had a good connection with and realizing that we wanted two different things. That hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts.

The emphasis of that comes from a place of just realizing… wow I didn't really take a break for myself and recognize that I’ve been through so much and throughout it all I was single haha. Not a single time did I just stop looking before since my ex was in a relationship with me and I can feel it drove me to a place that was not a healthy one. The year isn't even over and I felt like I have been around the block repeatedly like I know this road already… I’m tired of being here time and time again.

And Maybe it is a sign, you know? I think that we hope things are different but a lot of times it is not different. But the approach should be different. We should want things but understand that they just may not happen in the timing we want it to or at all. I truly believe that there is a person out there for me, maybe he is in my space right now. I don't know but I want to share this with you, my listeners, on how it's been going. I love love. I do enjoy dating and learning about a person who can potentially change my life for the better and teach me lessons of things I did not know I needed to learn.

I also want to tell you that if you are constantly trying over and over again and you feel helpless… you are not alone. Please share your feelings in comfortable spaces. Allow the feeling to present itself so that you know how that feels. It is uncomfortable but we have to sit in that you know?

If you feel the break coming on, take it. Put the dating apps on hold for a little while. Maybe take dating in increments, maybe like talking to a person or two and not having the fear of getting disappointed in multiples. Imagine getting to know three or four people at the same time, going on dates with them and all don’t work out at the same time. It's exhausting. Leave the pool a little bit, wrap up in your towel and sit by the poolside and take a break if you feel it coming on.

Cry if you need to cry and talk about it if you feel yourself bursting at the seams. It is okay. 

 Thank you for taking the time to listen. Share, subscribe, and comment. Check out the other episodes if you haven’t already, alright y'all this is my time. Bye!!!