Hello everyone! Welcome to black girl in the world! If you don’t know me, you will and if you do WELCOME BACK! Has it been awhile? I know you miss me so much. It’s your host and this is the show and one of the shows I hope you enjoy listening to.
This episode we will be discussing very very important matters. Dating. Dating… Dating! As if I havent talked about this topic before. Right? But this topic is a little different, yet… not at all. Dating who you want to date and having the courage to establish your boundaries.
“But Tasheka that is a given right?” Mmmm… No, it is not and I can ASSURE you that it is not. If you really don’t see yourself getting into a serious relationship right now, this may be for someone else that you know wants to be in one or that you can just learn from.
I made this episode because I wanted to share with people that companionship is a great thing but I also notice the sacrifices we make to make sure that happens in our lives. I want to share my lil story. It is a story that I suppress sometimes because I don't always recognize that it is an actual issue in my life. Let's dive in. In my little time of dating since 2017 or 2018? I’ve noticed how I have been treated and how I treated myself. Guy friends and men that I knew have come and gone when they told me that they were not ready for a relationship and could only give me friends with benefits or just cool friends but rarely is the friendship even real. Then they would end up in relationships with someone else. I can recall a particular time when I was head over heels for this guy. We talked every now and again but we were talking to each other and hanging out OFTEN. I enjoyed being around him, I wanted to know what he thought about all the time, I just wanted him to be here with me for a long time. Problem was that he had an ex-girlfriend he couldn't stop thinking about and doing things for even though he said he was hurt from the relationship and wanted to move forward. I felt for him but I didn't feel enough for myself. As much as I had hoped to have been the lucky woman to get the time he sacrificed, it made me feel even more like crap that I was almost on the verge of begging..
While that was going on, I was also reminded by him that he was not dating material and I wasn’t able to get that from him. Ouch… good guy though (haha!) I was sad and he knew I was disappointed but I kept it trucking until I found my ex, who was and still is a lovely person.. After that relationship, I talked to the guy I was head over heels for again to check up on him and see how life was treating him and would you believe that this man was in a relationship with someone else?? Ofc I am a listening ear so I let him vent about what was going on because I truly wanted the best for him regardless of who was in his life but after getting off the phone with him, I just sat still in my seat. Hurt, upset, annoyed. But I never gave myself the chance to yell at him, to share with him how I felt and what I wanted from our situation. I guess I didn’t want to hurt his feelings but you know? It never stops there. Once I let guy #1 do that to me, then it was easier on guy #2, guy #3, guy #4 because I was used to it and I just dealt with it.
Now I’m not entirely blaming them for this happening to me no lol… because I should have realized that he wasn’t going to budge even when I shared my feelings and showed who I truly was. He knew I was a good thing but couldn't see himself dating me any time soon. I should've stopped at the second conversation. I should've done other things with my time like strengthening friendships, family relationships, reading more, exercising more, studying more. Something like that you know? But I let hope get to me and comfort me by telling me to wait it out, that it gets better with time and he’ll come around because they dont let go of a good thing. NO! People will budge for what they want to budge for. These men were establishing their boundaries with me and I had to either get with it or get left. Would they have done it for me? Would they have waited it out for me and stuck around to be my friend? Maybe not but it hurts to know that I am not alone in my findings. My bestie and I have been sending each other tiktoks for the past two months now and they are mainly related to dating because we just want to know what is going on. These days I’m asking myself “why” just why?? Tiktok has helped so much, yes it is definitely another place that can spread misinformation but it has allowed people to share their experiences with little fear and people in the comments can relate to them! My bestie and I have detailed talks about this. About how we allowed people to come into our space for the sake of enjoying their presence even though we don’t necessarily want them as friends… it's the second best right? We gotta stop that. We gotta stop being okay with it because you have the “next best thing”. If you want that person as your friend, good but be real and stop. I’m saying this to me too because I love calling a good guy my friend and not minding if we talked on a platonic level but what about me? Why am I neglecting myself and not being considered when I have been considerate and it honestly doesn’t matter when sex is a factor or not! It's very situational. Some people want to see what the sex is like first before dating you and that isn't guaranteed either. You arent okay with that, you shouldn't go along with that.
And I’m not saying that people who beg are weak, but you should never beg for someone’s love especially when you know just how precious it is to love someone and finding someone who you dont have to beg to show you that treatment and more.
Thank you for taking the time to listen to my little rant. Share, subscribe, and comment. Check out the other episodes if you haven’t already, alright y'all this is my time. Bye!!!