Hello listeners,
Welcome to black girl in the world!! If you don’t know me, you will and if you do… welcome back! Hey hey hey how are ya?
I'm doing good, thank you so much for asking…
Okay so I want to talk about trying not to come off too strong when dating. I think that it honestly gets confusing because you don’t want to come off too nonchalant either. That goes for anybody. Like it is one thing to be that laid back and going with the flow kind of person but to show little to no interest? Whoaa.. Lets change that in 2023 lol. I have been in situations with guys where they didn't really give their all when talking to me and when I mean their all… I mean showing interest like wanting to talk on the phone, wanting to go out, watching movies and tv shows, trying to eat together, I dont know just expressing your feelings towards me in various ways! So what did I do in these moments? I told myself that I was going to pick up the slack… and work twice as much in the process so that it all works out. Then it becomes you ignoring the signs and this person could be doing too much and does not have the heart to tell you that they are not interested and thinks that the connection will phase out. You probably think all they need is a little push… no push lol. Let's not push. I want you to know that THIS IS NOT HEALTHY IN THE LONG RUN! You are exerting so much of your energy on someone who does not invest as much as you have. So for people in your life who match your energy (could be family, friends, other potential partners), you get exhausted quickly. Frustrated easily. Embarrassed publicly or privately, however the situation was shown.
To understand, if you are doing more of everything really? You are not getting enough. So it can look like you are coming off too strong in relationships. :) Full circle moment yall now let's some tips that I’ve discovered on the internet to help us not come off too strong and just go with the flow and live our best life.
First one is to not be as available. Yes you may have that free time but slide something in that slot for them to know that you are not available this time but present another time. Doesn't make you inconsistent but it shows that you have your own life and YOU DO! Yes you do! Imagine this tho, you are always with that person… when they wanna suddenly show their interest in you they might call or try to plan an available date for them. You wanna see them so bad so any position they have you in, you wanna be. So yes you are free the whole week and will be willing to change plans around and overschedule yourself to see that person. When your connection with them no longer exists, it changes your schedule so much because you tried to be with that person all the time. Now you have these gaps/ a lot more free time because you were consumed.
Second is not to define the relationship so quickly. It's nice to get an understanding of where yall are in this connection but honestly the more you think about the title of things especially so fresh in the connection, the more you worry it might not turn into a relationship and that can result in making ultimatums, asking questions that they might not feel comfortable answering right away, confusing each other because one may not be sure right away, doesn't mean they are not interested though. We are supposed to be having fun yall and as much as we want to be in relationships and see ourselves being good partners to someone. All it takes is some time. Time to create a connection and time to give ourselves some grace too to do awesome things in our own life.
The last tip that I would share that I noticed a lot is giving people space, right? Especially when they ask for it. NOW I will further talk about this because as a person who is anxious… I think of myself during times when space was needed. I’ll explain. It can be a whole month where someone is having consistent conversations with you and then suddenly it starts to slow down. They may apologize because they realize that they are talking less and being more distant but there are also examples where people dont apologize, you know? They come back and talk to you as if nothing happened or they just ask for space and come back when theyre ready and that is a scary thing sometimes. You dont wanna pressure that person and force them to tell you exactly what's wrong and what happened but during these times of them taking a break and needing that space which nothing is wrong with wanting that by the way… you giving that person the space and not texting or calling as much, are thinking a lot of things if you are like me. A lot of those things can look like “what did I do wrong?”, “are they gonna stop talking to me by saying they need space to make it easier on them?”, “who is taking up their time while not speaking to me?”. Lately and yes, I am not embarrassed to say lately… I have reminded myself that I AM NOT THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD. Not everything is about me. There are so many other things people are dealing with and I am not the only person people are dealing with. So I HAVE to trust that the person who needs the space will respect me enough to talk to me if we need to resolve anything or share with me that our conversations no longer serve them if that is the case. But needing their space usually is not about me and I have to respect the way they do things and if I can't see myself with someone who does that, I have to move along and let them know. I cant lie tho, when someone does take steps back because of what is going on in their own life, it does hurt because you want them to be okay and that are not around as much anymore lol but I would have to honestly be open and okay with that.
These three tips are things I'm always reminding myself of because it is real and I want to do better moving forward. And if this applies to anyone, to make yall feel any better with this drag at all lol… I’m still learning not to do these things. Its a habit and some tendencies still linger but knowing your worth will get better in time. You are loved, you are capable of loving someone else, and the amazing person you are will find someone who can appreciate your awesomeness.
Thank you for taking the time to listen. Share, subscribe, and comment. Check out the other episodes if you haven’t already, alright y'all this is my time. Bye!!!
